Jenyfer Matthews

I made it through the toddler years without even a small scissor incident – any bad haircuts the children ever sported were entirely my fault. So why did my son, only days before his 7th birthday, decide that NOW was the time to try his hand at cutting his own hair? He cut his hair very short right across the front, at a slant. I thought I’d make him wear it that way for a few days, just to have the lesson sink in.

My husband had another plan: give him a buzz cut.

It looks awful. Even with the clipper set on the “tallest” setting, he’s still pretty well bald. And since he’s a very pale redhead, I fear for the skin of his scalp. I ordered him to wear his hat outside at school until his hair grows back. Between the (temporary) tattoo of a cobra on his bicep and the buzz cut, he looks a bit like a prisoner.

I’m only glad that I got some decent pictures of him on Sunday at his father’s birthday party…and that his hair grows really fast!

As a mother and an adult, there are few things that will push my buttons more effectively than a back-talking child. I’m not sure why exactly, because I myself am something of a smart-ass, but there is it. A quirk of human nature, do as I say not as I do. My own children seldom get away with it, but unfortunately I don’t have as much sway over other people’s children.

What I wonder is, why does anyone let a child get away with it? When I see the other children who participate in the tennis groups with my own children arguing with or talking back to the coach, it drives me crazy. Not only because it is generally disruptive to the atmosphere of the class but also because the mothers of these children are usually sitting there observing and not saying a word. Sometimes they are even smiling benevolently.

When I mentioned this phenomenon to an American acquaintance of mine, he sort of laughed and said that I was just used to the British system (since my children go to a British curriculum school). I was astonished by that comment – or was it an excuse? Why on earth would that have anything to do with anything? Does that imply that Americans expect and encourage bad behavior from children? That in trying to teach our children to be independent thinkers we are also encouraging them to be rude? I’m trying to raise my children to be independent thinkers AND good citizens. It’s not always an easy task, but I’m not super impressed with the sort of children that having lower standards produces.

I have been labeled a strict mother by more than one person, but I have also had glowing reports of my children’s behavior from both their schools and other parents when they go for a play date (home behavior is another story entirely) I guess if believing that my children are not my equal and that sometimes I do know better than they do and that exerting my authority over them when necessary makes me strict, so be it. At least I can send them out in the world and be (mostly) confident that they will behave themselves.

It’s just after lunch and so far today I have:

*Helped my son complete a math sheet (on coins) and his spelling words (to be tested tomorrow)

*Helped my daughter complete a math sheet
*Given her an “in my day” lecture about how I did my own homework BY MYSELF
*Watched a tantrum at the mention of the research project yet to be started
*Delivered a speech that I was here to help her with the project, but if she chose not to cooperate she’d be taking the heat on her own with her teacher and principal
*Helped her complete a reading comprehension sheet

Never have I been so grateful to take a “break” to sweep and hose off the balcony and vacuum and mop my floors!

It’s only Wednesday, what would have been the first day back to school after a long weekend, and we haven’t quite completed the “easy” assignments yet though we only took two days of the five days off before we started them. In what alternate universe did they expect to get all this done in three days? I really can’t believe my child is *that* much more productive in school hours.

They have assured us that school will start again on October 4th and that they will NOT be taking the scheduled October 6th holiday. I have all my fingers crossed that it’s true. I’ll bet my children do as well!

The home-schooling that is.

I greatly admire teachers for their patience in working with children – especially 20+ children at once. I know that children act differently at school but never has that been more apparent to me than now. Take the certificate my son brought home from school last week for “exemplary behavior” during carpet time? Where is that child now? Or does is his teacher some sort of child whisperer?

The homework that my son brought home isn’t all that difficult – he is only six. The most challenging part of his homework is getting him to focus and sit still to do it. My strategy is to get two pages a day done, first thing in the morning before he goes out to play. On the one hand, he’s as fresh and energetic as he’s going to be during the day. On the other hand, he’s fresh and energetic and sitting still and focusing is the last thing he is interested in doing.

The homework my daughter brought home will likely break me. A good friend of mine who has a son in the the same class was puzzled why I was freaking out so much about it. Until we figured out that 1) she thought that the work they sent covered the entire break (it doesn’t, it’s just the first few days) and 2) she was missing the instruction sheets for the two most involved assignments. I helpfully made copies for her and now she’s freaking out as well.

In addition to six math worksheets and three reading comprehension sheets, my daughters assignments include a reading book, daily mental math quizzes, writing a book report, and a research project on the life during the Tudor times. The research project will compare the rich and poor on seven points including housing, food, clothing, entertainment, women and children, and working life with each point being two pages of text and pictures and a minimum of 10 sentences each. Since she had a meltdown during one of the (EASY) reading comprehension sheets this morning, I can only imagine what happiness and joy will flow when we start on the research project.

I myself was a very good student but I’m not at all cut out for homeschooling. I’ve already told my husband that if the rumors are true and the schools remain closed until Christmas or beyond, I’m leaving and putting the kids in school in the US. It might sound extreme but I’m not the only mother here thinking the same thing!

As I previously reported, many of the schools in Egypt haven’t started the school year yet due to concerns about the spread of H1N1. Since there are no reliable, objective media sources to give any sort of idea of how many people in Egypt are actually affected by H1N1 or what the government reasoning is, rumors and speculation abound. The most popular belief is that it’s all just an excuse because no one wanted to go to school during Ramadan.

A few schools, my children’s among them, were able to open on time at the beginning of the month, which apparently really ticked off the Ministry of Education. Now, just as we are coming into a long weekend for the Eid holiday marking the end of Ramadan, the Ministry of Health has ordered ALL schools to close until October 3rd. The reason? Because pilgrims to Mecca for the Haj may bring back H1N1 when they return home.

All I can say is that whatever the reason for this edict is, it’s ridiculous. You can’t hide from germs, and H1N1 isn’t really all that big a deal anyway. If they are worried about the pilgrims, then quarantine them when they come back into the country. It could be like a short meditative period to reflect upon their spiritual journey and while it would be a little OTT, at least it would target the group they are reportedly concerned about.

Avian flu is a much bigger problem in Egypt that H1N1 and I don’t see the government closing down schools or killing all the chickens (which might actually help in that case!) because of it. The only thing that giving everyone this much time off is going to do is give them more time to travel. DUH.

Because the schools are closed, so are the school grounds. I haven’t broken the news to my children yet, but that also means the community soccer on hold until further notice because they use the school grounds for practice and games. How the soccer league will deal with that remains to be seen. The only thing that will carry on is tennis because our coach is something of a fanatic.

So, just when I thought I was out of the woods, I have the children back at home for at least two weeks – there is a further rumor that the school closure will go as long at October 7th because October 6th is Armed Forces day holiday. To say I’m frustrated doesn’t really express a the true level of my feelings on the matter. The ONLY up-side to this is that I can sleep in until school starts again. Unfortunately, when I wake up, I’ll have to homeschool the children. Yuck.

While I was looking forward to the children going back to school, one thing I wasn’t looking forward to was the crazy schedule that tends to go hand in hand with being back in school. Some parents do Scouts, some do music lessons. We do sports.

If it were just one sport, I’d probably manage well enough. But it’s THREE sports x TWO children. That makes for a fairly busy and complicated schedule trying to remember who has to be where at what time on which days.

Truly, I never thought I’d be that mom – the one who scheduled ever minute of their child’s day. And I know what you’re thinking – why do I let them participate in so much? I could always do what my mother did which was to say “no, no time/money”. But she worked full time so she had a built in excuse for not being able to pick me up after school, and if I had really cared I probably would have pushed harder. I have no such excuse, and you should see the puppy eyes they give me! How can I tell them no when all of the activities they are asking for are such healthy pursuits that they are also good at?

They each take tennis lessons: a sport which they can continue to play their entire lives so long as they can find one other person to play. Those lessons account for five evenings a week between the two of them.

They are both about to start playing in the community soccer league. Soccer is an excellent companion sport to tennis because they build up stamina from all the running and good footwork besides. It’s not as if I had to twist their arms either – both of them love soccer. That accounts for one evening of practice and a Saturday morning game for each child – at different locations for their different age groups of course.

The one sport I actively tried to discourage was the swim team at school. On the plus side, swimming is a wonderful exercise. On the other, it’s just one more day of practice and another obligation during an already packed schedule. I’ve reluctantly given in but if it starts to interfere too much with other things – like school work – it’s the first thing that will be cut.

They have so much going on that it’s actually beginning to interfere with my own exercise schedule. But I’m hoping that running them from one place to the next will make up the difference!

Why is it that when I was away on vacation I’d have 20+ emails in my inbox every time I checked it, but now that I have the time to sit down and read them and respond I have none? Where is everyone? Or do you think it might be more a factor of the frequency with which I check my email when I am at home (every 10 minutes or so, give or take)?

I actually have other things I could be doing but I’m restless and bored. I’m home but not really back in my routine yet. It’s the lull before the sports crazy fall starts – the children want to do tennis AND soccer AND swim team. All that in addition to school and homework. Soon I’ll be too busy to check email again and no doubt there will be a deluge.

What are you up to today?

My son has always been a real BOY. Since he was old enough to express an opinion, he’s preferred toys with wheels (cars) and he can get dirtier faster than my daughter, even if they are playing the same game. Few to none of his clothes survive him to be passed on to anyone else. Shoes? I’m lucky if they last a few months. It’s the rare pair that doesn’t fall apart from abuse before he outgrows them.

This summer he’s really been in his element. He got an early birthday present of a screened bug house. He collects grasshoppers, lady bugs, and anything else he can find – including garter snakes (that snake was not happy to be in the bug house!) His lack of fear is scaring me – I looked out of the window of the house and saw him walking up to a deer in the yard!

Some of his activities are pretty yucky though – and I’m not just saying that because I’m a girl. When we were having our extreme hike up the creek, he found a fairly well preserved dead frog. Did he fling it away in disgust? Nope, he raced it down the rapids like most kids would do with a paper boat or a stick. Not just once either – he followed it, retrieved it, and did it over and over again until the current finally swept the frog corpse under a large boulder. Even that didn’t discourage my son. At that point he attempted to build a dam so he could divert the water and reclaim the frog!

I’m glad he found a way to amuse himself so well, and maybe it is because I’m a girl, but I still can’t help thinking that the activity was more than a little gross!

So I brought my laptop along with me, planning on writing in the evenings after I put the children to bed. It hasn’t really worked out as well as I had hoped.

It’s hard enough for me to get started on a new story. What’s so vivid in my head evaporates as I stare at the blank page. Being here helps, because this is in fact where my next story is set, and the details of the story are growing in my mind every day. So what’s the problem?

The children aren’t cooperating with me.

I do my best to keep them busy all day long and I put them to bed at 8:30pm, but do they go to sleep? Nope. No matter how tired they are, they mess around and giggle and play for at least an hour. I usually have to go in and yell at them at least twice before they finally consent to at least whisper. It’s distracting to the writing process to say the least. They finally settle down somewhere close to 10pm, by which time I’m exhausted myself!

The only night they fell asleep easily in the last couple of weeks was after having completed a 7 mile hike up Eagle Mountain and back. Do I need to say that they weren’t the only ones who were tired that night?!

I have been making lots of notes on random thoughts that have popped into my head and I am happy to say I managed a few pages last night. I’m hoping to squeak out a few more tonight. But I don’t think I’m going to get as much done on this trip as I had hoped…

One of the things I miss living I’m in Egypt is driving. I enjoy driving, but not only that, driving was always the time when I was able to listen to music. Since I don’t drive in Egypt my music listening habits have been much curtailed. Not that I’m missing much in Cairo. The one Western music radio station I’ve heard plays a bizarre mix of old and new pop with the occasional Arabic track mixed in and certain times of the day seem to be dedicated to techno dance music or other themes – honestly, I’ve never listened long enough to discern the pattern.

Now that I’m back in the US and on vacation, I’m driving again. But I still can’t listen to the music I like. There isn’t much in the way of radio reception way back here in the woods. That doesn’t faze my children at all, however.

Way back when I was a child, my musical choices were pretty much dictated by my parents – particularly when traveling in a car. I listened to what they listened to, which given the technological limitations of the time period pretty much meant that we listened to the radio. One of the earliest songs I can remember singing along to was “Rhinestone Cowboy” by Glen Campbell. I have a vast repertoire of lyrics from Barry Manilow, Billy Joel, and Neil Diamond to name a few, and there was one memorable summer when my father tortured me on a cross country drive with tapes of Woody Guthrie. Though I might have made other choices myself – and very likely made some disparaging remarks about their choices in my adolescent years – I never managed to impose my own music on them.

Somehow, that all seems to have changed. I regularly end up listening to CDs my children select instead of things I might prefer myself. Last summer, that meant that we listened to the Grease soundtrack on an endless loop. This summer was threatening to turn into the summer of the Jonas Brothers. I don’t actually hate the Jonas Brothers but I’ve heard “The Year 3000” more than enough times, so I decided to take charge and broaden their musical horizons.

Inspired by a recent trip to a bowling alley, I bought three CDs of hits from the 1980s. The bowling alley was playing music videos from that time period and we were all enjoying the music, a rare occurrence. These CDs haven’t done anything toward introducing me to any new popular music, but they seemed like a good idea at the time.
“We Got the Beat” by the GoGos, “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves, and “Walk Like an Egyptian” by The Bangles were all big hits. And then I heard the lyrics to “My Angel is a Centerfold” by the J. Giles Band coming from my six year olds mouth and it put a new spin on things. And that wasn’t as half as bad as “My Sharona” or “Good Girls Don’t” by The Knack:

You’re alone with her at last,
And you’re waiting til you think the time is right.
Cause you’ve heard she’s pretty fast.
And you’re hoping that she’ll give you some tonight.
So, you start to make your play,
Cause you could’ve sworn you thought you heard her saying…

And it’s a teenage sadness
Everyone has got to taste.
An in-between age madness
That you know you can’t erase
Til she’s sitting on your face.

They haven’t asked for any interpretation of the lyrics so for now I’m just going to enjoy the music. My alternative is either more of Grease, The Jonas Brothers, or the two High School Musical CDs my daughter got for her birthday. I think I’d rather take my chances with the 80s for now…