Jenyfer Matthews

Even though I let myself off the hook by not hosting a big “friend” party for my son’s 7th birthday, I still spent a lot of time running around on Saturday and Sunday preparing for his big day. As a compromise for not having a party, I sent cupcakes to his class which meant I spent much of Saturday afternoon baking them and then got up early on Sunday to frost them. Sunday there was more baking to be done.

Every year the little man asks me for a cake “with fruit on top.” One year I did a white cake with whipped cream and slices of kiwi and pomegranate seeds on top which was both lovely and tasty but he didn’t care for it. Turns out he doesn’t like whipped cream (little freak!) Last year I did a pineapple upside down cake – again lovely and tasty but he didn’t even try it! This year I decided to give him what he didn’t know he wanted: a pumpkin “donut” cake with cream cheese frosting. It was a big hit with everyone, and he was over the moon with his presents.

If I thought that this week was going to be calmer, I should have known better. It isn’t enough that in addition to Halloween this month, the school scheduled Victorian dress-up day last week – next week my daughter is doing Tudor dress-up day. I really should have seen this one coming. She has decided to be a boy rather than a girl, which I am totally in favor of because I have many of the basics already: she can wear a long sleeved white shirt with her baggy black soccer shorts (which I’ll gather with elastic bands at the bottom to make them puffy), and she can wear her long white soccer socks for tights. But it all comes down to the vest and the hat again. The cop-out in me who is tired of designing costumes is sort of thinking she can wear the vest I made last week and I’ll stick a long feather in the corduroy “Victorian” hat. But the overachiever in me found a pattern for an authentic Tudor style hat and I happen to have some green velvet in my fabric stash from which I could probably make both a hat AND a drapey vest / robe. I still don’t have a feather, but who would care if she were wearing velvet?

Tuck a pillow in her shirt and add a turkey leg as a prop and she could be Henry VIII for Halloween

It’s hot and dusty and miserable here at the moment and I have no water yet again so what else have I got to do but spend all my time making a hat, right?

I know it’s only hair and that it will grow back quickly enough – this time next month it will likely be fine – but wouldn’t it just figure that the haircut I would most like to forget my son ever sported would be the one he would get just before a series of photo events occur: his 7th birthday, school calendar photos, and soccer team pictures? It’ll probably show up in the school yearbook as well!

He was totally adorable dressed as a Victorian schoolboy yesterday, but a key costume detail was a floppy flat hat!

It’s an unfortunate fact that I’ve gotten so used to being patronized for being a stay at home mother (SAHM) that now when I meet anyone new and they ask me what I do, I tell them but immediately feel defensive. What is it about a woman deciding to stay home and raise her own children that weirds people out so much? Do they feel somehow that my decision not to work outside the home is an unspoken indictment of their own decisions to go out and have a job? Why else would they care so much about what I do with my time? You wouldn’t believe some of the passive aggressive condescending crap I’ve heard over the years. Now that the kids are in school much of the day, people seem to think I’m spending all my time lunching with the ladies and being groomed at the spa. Because isn’t that what all SAHMs do all day long??

Just because my children are in school all day doesn’t automatically mean I need to go back to work. I’ve been working a few days here and there in addition to everything else I do all day every day and let me tell you – I don’t know how working moms do it. And when the children get older they are going to require more of my attention, not less. Teenagers alone in the house several hours a day? I was a teenager once myself – sounds like a very bad idea to me!

Last week I was at a farewell party for some friends and was introduced to a woman there. She asked me what I did and I immediately felt my defenses rise. She surprised me however by saying how refreshing she found it to find women in the younger generation who were making the decision to stay home with their children while they were young. I was nearly speechless with shock, so rare is it to meet anyone who understands and appreciates what I do all day long. I only wish there were more people out there like her.

I made it through the toddler years without even a small scissor incident – any bad haircuts the children ever sported were entirely my fault. So why did my son, only days before his 7th birthday, decide that NOW was the time to try his hand at cutting his own hair? He cut his hair very short right across the front, at a slant. I thought I’d make him wear it that way for a few days, just to have the lesson sink in.

My husband had another plan: give him a buzz cut.

It looks awful. Even with the clipper set on the “tallest” setting, he’s still pretty well bald. And since he’s a very pale redhead, I fear for the skin of his scalp. I ordered him to wear his hat outside at school until his hair grows back. Between the (temporary) tattoo of a cobra on his bicep and the buzz cut, he looks a bit like a prisoner.

I’m only glad that I got some decent pictures of him on Sunday at his father’s birthday party…and that his hair grows really fast!

As a mother and an adult, there are few things that will push my buttons more effectively than a back-talking child. I’m not sure why exactly, because I myself am something of a smart-ass, but there is it. A quirk of human nature, do as I say not as I do. My own children seldom get away with it, but unfortunately I don’t have as much sway over other people’s children.

What I wonder is, why does anyone let a child get away with it? When I see the other children who participate in the tennis groups with my own children arguing with or talking back to the coach, it drives me crazy. Not only because it is generally disruptive to the atmosphere of the class but also because the mothers of these children are usually sitting there observing and not saying a word. Sometimes they are even smiling benevolently.

When I mentioned this phenomenon to an American acquaintance of mine, he sort of laughed and said that I was just used to the British system (since my children go to a British curriculum school). I was astonished by that comment – or was it an excuse? Why on earth would that have anything to do with anything? Does that imply that Americans expect and encourage bad behavior from children? That in trying to teach our children to be independent thinkers we are also encouraging them to be rude? I’m trying to raise my children to be independent thinkers AND good citizens. It’s not always an easy task, but I’m not super impressed with the sort of children that having lower standards produces.

I have been labeled a strict mother by more than one person, but I have also had glowing reports of my children’s behavior from both their schools and other parents when they go for a play date (home behavior is another story entirely) I guess if believing that my children are not my equal and that sometimes I do know better than they do and that exerting my authority over them when necessary makes me strict, so be it. At least I can send them out in the world and be (mostly) confident that they will behave themselves.

It’s just after lunch and so far today I have:

*Helped my son complete a math sheet (on coins) and his spelling words (to be tested tomorrow)

*Helped my daughter complete a math sheet
*Given her an “in my day” lecture about how I did my own homework BY MYSELF
*Watched a tantrum at the mention of the research project yet to be started
*Delivered a speech that I was here to help her with the project, but if she chose not to cooperate she’d be taking the heat on her own with her teacher and principal
*Helped her complete a reading comprehension sheet

Never have I been so grateful to take a “break” to sweep and hose off the balcony and vacuum and mop my floors!

It’s only Wednesday, what would have been the first day back to school after a long weekend, and we haven’t quite completed the “easy” assignments yet though we only took two days of the five days off before we started them. In what alternate universe did they expect to get all this done in three days? I really can’t believe my child is *that* much more productive in school hours.

They have assured us that school will start again on October 4th and that they will NOT be taking the scheduled October 6th holiday. I have all my fingers crossed that it’s true. I’ll bet my children do as well!

The home-schooling that is.

I greatly admire teachers for their patience in working with children – especially 20+ children at once. I know that children act differently at school but never has that been more apparent to me than now. Take the certificate my son brought home from school last week for “exemplary behavior” during carpet time? Where is that child now? Or does is his teacher some sort of child whisperer?

The homework that my son brought home isn’t all that difficult – he is only six. The most challenging part of his homework is getting him to focus and sit still to do it. My strategy is to get two pages a day done, first thing in the morning before he goes out to play. On the one hand, he’s as fresh and energetic as he’s going to be during the day. On the other hand, he’s fresh and energetic and sitting still and focusing is the last thing he is interested in doing.

The homework my daughter brought home will likely break me. A good friend of mine who has a son in the the same class was puzzled why I was freaking out so much about it. Until we figured out that 1) she thought that the work they sent covered the entire break (it doesn’t, it’s just the first few days) and 2) she was missing the instruction sheets for the two most involved assignments. I helpfully made copies for her and now she’s freaking out as well.

In addition to six math worksheets and three reading comprehension sheets, my daughters assignments include a reading book, daily mental math quizzes, writing a book report, and a research project on the life during the Tudor times. The research project will compare the rich and poor on seven points including housing, food, clothing, entertainment, women and children, and working life with each point being two pages of text and pictures and a minimum of 10 sentences each. Since she had a meltdown during one of the (EASY) reading comprehension sheets this morning, I can only imagine what happiness and joy will flow when we start on the research project.

I myself was a very good student but I’m not at all cut out for homeschooling. I’ve already told my husband that if the rumors are true and the schools remain closed until Christmas or beyond, I’m leaving and putting the kids in school in the US. It might sound extreme but I’m not the only mother here thinking the same thing!

As I previously reported, many of the schools in Egypt haven’t started the school year yet due to concerns about the spread of H1N1. Since there are no reliable, objective media sources to give any sort of idea of how many people in Egypt are actually affected by H1N1 or what the government reasoning is, rumors and speculation abound. The most popular belief is that it’s all just an excuse because no one wanted to go to school during Ramadan.

A few schools, my children’s among them, were able to open on time at the beginning of the month, which apparently really ticked off the Ministry of Education. Now, just as we are coming into a long weekend for the Eid holiday marking the end of Ramadan, the Ministry of Health has ordered ALL schools to close until October 3rd. The reason? Because pilgrims to Mecca for the Haj may bring back H1N1 when they return home.

All I can say is that whatever the reason for this edict is, it’s ridiculous. You can’t hide from germs, and H1N1 isn’t really all that big a deal anyway. If they are worried about the pilgrims, then quarantine them when they come back into the country. It could be like a short meditative period to reflect upon their spiritual journey and while it would be a little OTT, at least it would target the group they are reportedly concerned about.

Avian flu is a much bigger problem in Egypt that H1N1 and I don’t see the government closing down schools or killing all the chickens (which might actually help in that case!) because of it. The only thing that giving everyone this much time off is going to do is give them more time to travel. DUH.

Because the schools are closed, so are the school grounds. I haven’t broken the news to my children yet, but that also means the community soccer on hold until further notice because they use the school grounds for practice and games. How the soccer league will deal with that remains to be seen. The only thing that will carry on is tennis because our coach is something of a fanatic.

So, just when I thought I was out of the woods, I have the children back at home for at least two weeks – there is a further rumor that the school closure will go as long at October 7th because October 6th is Armed Forces day holiday. To say I’m frustrated doesn’t really express a the true level of my feelings on the matter. The ONLY up-side to this is that I can sleep in until school starts again. Unfortunately, when I wake up, I’ll have to homeschool the children. Yuck.

While I was looking forward to the children going back to school, one thing I wasn’t looking forward to was the crazy schedule that tends to go hand in hand with being back in school. Some parents do Scouts, some do music lessons. We do sports.

If it were just one sport, I’d probably manage well enough. But it’s THREE sports x TWO children. That makes for a fairly busy and complicated schedule trying to remember who has to be where at what time on which days.

Truly, I never thought I’d be that mom – the one who scheduled ever minute of their child’s day. And I know what you’re thinking – why do I let them participate in so much? I could always do what my mother did which was to say “no, no time/money”. But she worked full time so she had a built in excuse for not being able to pick me up after school, and if I had really cared I probably would have pushed harder. I have no such excuse, and you should see the puppy eyes they give me! How can I tell them no when all of the activities they are asking for are such healthy pursuits that they are also good at?

They each take tennis lessons: a sport which they can continue to play their entire lives so long as they can find one other person to play. Those lessons account for five evenings a week between the two of them.

They are both about to start playing in the community soccer league. Soccer is an excellent companion sport to tennis because they build up stamina from all the running and good footwork besides. It’s not as if I had to twist their arms either – both of them love soccer. That accounts for one evening of practice and a Saturday morning game for each child – at different locations for their different age groups of course.

The one sport I actively tried to discourage was the swim team at school. On the plus side, swimming is a wonderful exercise. On the other, it’s just one more day of practice and another obligation during an already packed schedule. I’ve reluctantly given in but if it starts to interfere too much with other things – like school work – it’s the first thing that will be cut.

They have so much going on that it’s actually beginning to interfere with my own exercise schedule. But I’m hoping that running them from one place to the next will make up the difference!

Why is it that when I was away on vacation I’d have 20+ emails in my inbox every time I checked it, but now that I have the time to sit down and read them and respond I have none? Where is everyone? Or do you think it might be more a factor of the frequency with which I check my email when I am at home (every 10 minutes or so, give or take)?

I actually have other things I could be doing but I’m restless and bored. I’m home but not really back in my routine yet. It’s the lull before the sports crazy fall starts – the children want to do tennis AND soccer AND swim team. All that in addition to school and homework. Soon I’ll be too busy to check email again and no doubt there will be a deluge.

What are you up to today?