I’m catching up on a lot of things I’ve missed out on while living in Egypt, including this very, very funny TV show called An Idiot Abroad which airs on The Science Channel. The friend I’m staying with happened to have several episodes stored on her DVR and we watched the one where he goes to Egypt a few nights ago. It made me laugh and, at the same time, a bit homesick. The “best bits” from that episode are below.
How happy was I when I found tons of clips from other episodes available on You Tube when I searched for this one to share with you? I’ll be staying up late trying to laugh quietly watching these for days…
The sleet on Monday afternoon ended up delaying my husband’s flight out to London by two hours, but the children sure did appreciate the overnight snow the next day. Ever the mom, I used the snow as the carrot to get them to do their school workbooks. It was amazing how efficient and cooperative they were about it, with the fresh shiny snow beckoning them.
I admit it – after a decade in the desert, I’m not much of a cold weather person. I like the idea of it more than I like the reality. But after the last few weeks, we all needed a little bit of levity to break up all the tension. After the school work was done and we’d all had a snack, I walked the children up to a nearby community park.
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This is my snow angel. What? You didn’t actually think I was going to LAY IN THE SNOW did you??
There is something irresistible about fresh snow.
The only picture I would allow of me right now.
When you walk from place to place and really look, nature always offers something beautiful to look at no matter where you are.
I saw these before the snowfall – they are even prettier with the snow filling.
I don’t expect the snow to last all that long, but we’ll enjoy it while it lasts. I’ll be especially grateful if the cold temperatures and the snow play encourages my children to sleep earlier at night…
Two weeks back in the US after our evacuation from Egypt and I still feel disoriented.
To be honest, I don’t attribute this feeling entirely to the stress of evacuating my home – I feel this way every summer I am back and see all the changes that have occurred since my last visit. The feeling is somewhat exacerbated this time however by being in a large metropolitan area instead of the north woods.
In my decade of living abroad I have developed a particular set of skills useful for traveling in foreign countries: I can fake my way through conversations in languages I don’t actually speak and usually get my point across, I can pack a bag within a pound of the luggage allowance without using a scale (it’s something of a personal challenge in fact), and I can navigate nearly any airport in the world.
It’s things like credit card swipe machines, self-checkout lanes, and choosing a bottle of shampoo (or a loaf of bread) on an aisle with fifty different varieties that throw me off.
The one big new-to-me thing that I’ve had to learn to deal with this time back is using a GPS to get around.
My first experience with watching anyone use a GPS was on a trip to Germany back in 2007. The husband of a friend there had just purchased a car with a built in GPS and he wanted nothing more than to play with and rely on it. His wife, my friend, wanted him to also pay attention to road signs and make some independent decisions. Many an argument ensued. I watched from the backseat and tried not to snicker when he misinterpreted vocal directions from the GPS and was then instructed to “make a u-turn”.
When I am in the north woods I have no need for a GPS because there is all of one highway that runs up and down the coast of Lake Superior and the towns I am navigating are both familiar and small. Not true of the Maryland / Virginia area where I am now. I had only been in the US two days and had my rental car for a matter of hours before I had to find my way from my sister’s house to the home of a friend half an hour away.
Ever tried driving an unfamiliar rental car on a six lane beltway that is under construction, in the dark, with jetlag and nothing but the disembodied vocal commands of a GPS to guide you? It’s a bit like playing a life and death video game. I am happy that all ended well – and that it wasn’t snowing or raining – but it isn’t a trip I would have attempted at that time if the friend I was going to see hadn’t been leaving for India the next day.
I admit that the GPS is indeed handy – I have been able to find specific places I need to go independently while my sister is at work- but I have noticed a few quirks too. For instance, I have been to the same shopping center at least four times and even when I start from the same place, the GPS has taken me at least three different routes. It’s almost as if the GPS is messing with me – or trying to make me dependent on it.
And once in a while it announces the directions too soon – like giving me the next three instructions while I’m sitting at a traffic light – or too late – as I’m sailing past the turn. I admit that I am not that great at estimating what 200 feet looks like, but “make a u-turn” isn’t always a possible maneuver when you miss a turn and suddenly find yourself on the entrance ramp for the interstate. “Recalculating…”
Monday morning was the worst though. The GPS seemed to have woken from its slumber disoriented. We turned it on, ready to go back to the same shopping center yet again. I started out the same way as ever, having learned the first several turns on my own. It remained stubbornly silent for the longest time, yet every correct turn I took, it said “recalculating”. At one point it directed me to turn in a new spot so I did, trying to be cooperative. “Recalculating…Make a u-turn.” I went back and then promptly started to ignore it for the next several blocks. I was going the correct way, but it persisted in telling me to“turn around here, keep right, recalculating”… I eventually made my way to the shopping center in spite of the GPS and only hoped that it would collect its wits so that it could assist on the way home.
It was actually kind of funny as it hysterically issued instructions to me as I made my way through the parking lot, ignoring it in favor of my eyes and brain.
Somewhat appropriately, the REM song “Stand” was playing in the office supply store in the shopping center:
Stand in the place where you live
Now face North
Think about direction
Wonder why you haven’t before
Now stand in the place where you work
Now face West
Think about the place where you live
Wonder why you haven’t before
If you are confused, check with the sun
Carry a compass to help you along
Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around
I have since returned the rental car and am now back to navigating on foot. Yes, it takes longer to get places but hey, it’s also hard to get lost in a hurry…
I realize that the tone around here has been pretty heavy lately – you know what with the Egyptian revolution and being evacuated and all. This song made me giggle though – and I love falafel too so I wanted to share.
I hope that whatever you are doing today you are feeling happy. I’m still working out what will happen next for my family, but am happy that I don’t have to stand night guard duty on the street here and that I have a bag of dark chocolate covered pretzels to munch on.
If you are in the mood for a cozy, romantic read don’t forget that all of my titles are now available for $2.99 in multiple formats on Smashwords and on Amazon Kindle. Just check the Books tab at the top of this page.
My gift for you: from now until December 31, 2010, purchase SEPARATION ANXIETY from Smashwords.com for only $2.99 using coupon code QP37A at check-out.
We were surrounded – a herd of does and fawns on one side, and a pack of foxes on the other, all of them hungry. They were discontent, one step away from an angry mob – my only advantage being that they didn’t actually have pitchforks or fiery torches. I did the only thing I could do in such a situation: I walked outside armed only with a red plastic coffee can in each hand – one filled with corn for the deer and one filled with whole roasted chicken pieces for the foxes, chicken that my step-mother had bought and roasted especially for the yard pets.
After I poured out the corn, I did as my step-mother the fox tamer instructed and sat in the grass with my arm extended, offering a drum stick. As much as the first fox to approach wanted that chicken, he wasn’t quite sure about me. He got close enough to me that I could hear his little feet in the grass and the snort from his nose as he assessed the situation. When he decided that I looked like a bad risk, he danced away a short distance watching me. He still wanted that chicken. I admit a certain amount of relief. I stood up slowly and walked over to the little knoll they like and left the chicken pieces there.
They seemed to enjoy their dinner, as they didn’t immediately disperse after. It seemed they knew that their regular chef wasn’t home and they were in the mood to put on a show for her understudy. Kind of like school children do when they have a substitute teacher! The deer eventually chased several of the foxes on to the roof of the shed up the driveway and shortly after they all left.
The next morning I was two hours later than they all would have preferred for breakfast as well, and lucky for me there was only one hungry fox out there still loitering and hoping. We were both in luck: I only had about enough left for one fox anyway and he got it all. My step-mother can tell them all apart. The only thing I could tell is that this fox wasn’t worried about me at all – he just wanted his breakfast. He pretty well stood his ground as I approached the knoll. If I had wanted to sit in the dew-wet grass in my pajamas, he probably would have stuck his head in the bucket and gotten the remaining chicken for himself!
I locked the doors before I went to bed. The way the animals all seemed to know that a newbie was in charge I was a little afraid that the bears might decide to let themselves in for a midnight snack!
The only thing better than a swim in a cold lake on a hot summer day…
is a beer margarita on a hot summer day!
My son is off on his overnight camping trip with his grandpa and step-grandma – and I’m on fox feeding duty this evening and tomorrow morning. The question remains whether I’m brave enough to try hand feeding them and whether or not they’d come up to me if I did.
The first week we were on vacation we were staying in a hotel while my daughter attended a tennis camp. The room didn’t have a refrigerator, so we were dependent on eating in restaurants. At first I was looking forward to it – any day I don’t have to cook is a good day.
I quickly went off eating in restaurants. Is there anything on any menu that isn’t deep fried and / or covered in cheese? It’s as if these places are looking for ways to make things as unhealthy as possible. And the portion sizes are ridiculous – even when I ordered a half order of pesto for my son it arrived in a serving bowl and was enough to feed at least two adults.
The children’s menus were just as ridiculous. There weren’t so very many options in the small town where we were staying so we ended up eating at Perkins (a large chain) a lot. If you ordered the macaroni and cheese from the children’s menu, they gave you an ice cream scoop sized portion of pasta and a small side order of your choice. I understand that the children’s menu covers a wide age range and that not all children have the same appetite, so I didn’t think much about it the skimpy serving until my son ordered the “dollar pancakes” one evening instead. The pancakes were actually $1 cheaper than the macaroni, but the stack of pancakes they brought him would have been more appropriate for a truck driver. Where is the rationale in that?
I finally managed by skipping meals or picking off my children’s plates.
It’s not a whole lot better now that I’m at my father’s house however. My step-mother plays dirty: she is a great cook and she spoils me rotten by not only making my favorite entrees, but she also makes dessert every night. How am I supposed to resist carrot cake with caramel frosting, chocolate chocolate chip cookies, or ice cream with fresh raspberries? And just in case I could resist all of that, she bought my favorite mint ice cream bars as well.
She looks perfectly pleasant, but she’s evil, I tell you. Pure evil. No one could resist her wiles – I don’t think I’ve been hungry since I arrived. I’m powerless in her grasp – and it would be churlish of me to refuse her hospitality. I’ve gained about five pounds in my first week, and at this rate even my baggiest pants won’t fit by the time I leave. I’d have to kayak all day, every day against the wind to keep up with this intake.
The weather report for the weekend was a little iffy but I’m happy to say we were in luck. Saturday we hiked for about three hours up a big hill at the back of my father’s property. The trail was marked “Hellacious View” – it was clear enough that we could practically see Canada from up there.
We spent Sunday at a birthday party for my step-mother’s niece at a place they have on an inland lake. What a beautiful day! We did some kayaking and ate some fabulous fried fish before we started to play with the big water toys.
The children looked like they were having so much fun being dragged in the tube behind the boat, I decided it was one of those seize-the-moment-moments that I couldn’t let pass by.
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The things I won’t do after a few beer margarita cocktails!
It was a lot of fun, though I was petrified that I was going to flip over into the lake at high speed. I have to admit that I had such a tight grip on the handles of that tube that I broke a blood vessel in one of my fingers and came away with a big bruise!
I’m glad I did it once, but I think I’ll probably stick to kayaking from now on!
I write books for fun so why is it so hard to write my own bio? I am an American currently living in Cairo, Egypt. Aside from writing, I'm a married mom of two under ten, a decent (if reluctant) cook, an encyclopedia of random scientific / medical facts, a wine lover (but not a snob!), and a Capricorn. I love to travel, spend time with good friends, and laugh at life's surprises. View of life - definitely half full.
