Jenyfer Matthews

My seven year old son hates to do his homework. None of his assignments are difficult and most could be finished in under fifteen minutes if only he would settle down and just do it. Instead he complains, procrastinates, and has tantrums all of which make it a much more painful drawn out process than it has to be.

I’ve tried various ways to encourage him to get the work done and out of the way – most of which includes LOUD voices and threats. Today I decided to switch tactics: bribery. Do your homework and you can have a lollipop. I’ll let you know how it works out.

But as I was thinking of how to best motivate him to do his homework, this Chris Farley skit from Saturday Night Live popped into my brain. It still makes me laugh after all these years:

I went to the children’s school on Monday to turn in the work they had completed from the week before and to collect a new packet of work for the coming week. They also asked us to come back to do the same on Wednesday. I told my daughter’s teacher that since we don’t have a car, getting up to the school isn’t that convenient for me. He said not to worry about it because all of the work for the week was in the packet he put together for Monday pick-up and that we could send it back on Sunday when they return to school.

I told my son’s teacher the same thing. She didn’t seem quite as understanding, but she did say that the additional work would be available online if we needed it. She also let drop that it wasn’t a big deal if they didn’t do it at all because they would catch them up when they returned to school and that she wasn’t even doing much with her own kids.

On the one hand I was glad to hear it because I didn’t want to go back to get more work (they gave us plenty as it was!) but on the other hand, why am I torturing myself and my son with all this homework if it doesn’t matter anyway?

I am happy to report that we are finished with the massive research project. My daughter seemed to enjoy it well enough once we got into it. She even wanted to do extra work on it. Did you know that Henry VIII was an accomplished recorder player? Or that Tudors brushed their teeth with a paste made from ground pumice stone? Or that a folk remedy for headaches was applying a hangman’s noose to your head? I now know more weird and gross facts about life and hygiene in the Tudor times than I really care to!

It’s officially the weekend but we have no time off. My son is finished with his homework, but my daughter has miles and miles to go yet. We have to finish up a book report and finally make a start on the mammoth research project on the Tudors. She’s right at that perfect age where she’s a bit young to be left with such a project on her own, but just old enough that I don’t feel inclined to be too soft on her because I *know* that she can do more than she’s letting on. My primary job this weekend will be trying to convince her to work with me so that we can get this done efficiently. Fussing, fretting, complaining, and tears will only drag things out, not get her off the hook.

Her teacher this year is a bit of a performer – apparently he puts on costumes and uses voices and teaches them by entertaining them. It seems to work really well for him. At this point I’d put on a fat suit and pretend to be Henry the VIII if I thought it would speed things up!

Have a great weekend whatever you are up to!

It’s just after lunch and so far today I have:

*Helped my son complete a math sheet (on coins) and his spelling words (to be tested tomorrow)

*Helped my daughter complete a math sheet
*Given her an “in my day” lecture about how I did my own homework BY MYSELF
*Watched a tantrum at the mention of the research project yet to be started
*Delivered a speech that I was here to help her with the project, but if she chose not to cooperate she’d be taking the heat on her own with her teacher and principal
*Helped her complete a reading comprehension sheet

Never have I been so grateful to take a “break” to sweep and hose off the balcony and vacuum and mop my floors!

It’s only Wednesday, what would have been the first day back to school after a long weekend, and we haven’t quite completed the “easy” assignments yet though we only took two days of the five days off before we started them. In what alternate universe did they expect to get all this done in three days? I really can’t believe my child is *that* much more productive in school hours.

They have assured us that school will start again on October 4th and that they will NOT be taking the scheduled October 6th holiday. I have all my fingers crossed that it’s true. I’ll bet my children do as well!

The home-schooling that is.

I greatly admire teachers for their patience in working with children – especially 20+ children at once. I know that children act differently at school but never has that been more apparent to me than now. Take the certificate my son brought home from school last week for “exemplary behavior” during carpet time? Where is that child now? Or does is his teacher some sort of child whisperer?

The homework that my son brought home isn’t all that difficult – he is only six. The most challenging part of his homework is getting him to focus and sit still to do it. My strategy is to get two pages a day done, first thing in the morning before he goes out to play. On the one hand, he’s as fresh and energetic as he’s going to be during the day. On the other hand, he’s fresh and energetic and sitting still and focusing is the last thing he is interested in doing.

The homework my daughter brought home will likely break me. A good friend of mine who has a son in the the same class was puzzled why I was freaking out so much about it. Until we figured out that 1) she thought that the work they sent covered the entire break (it doesn’t, it’s just the first few days) and 2) she was missing the instruction sheets for the two most involved assignments. I helpfully made copies for her and now she’s freaking out as well.

In addition to six math worksheets and three reading comprehension sheets, my daughters assignments include a reading book, daily mental math quizzes, writing a book report, and a research project on the life during the Tudor times. The research project will compare the rich and poor on seven points including housing, food, clothing, entertainment, women and children, and working life with each point being two pages of text and pictures and a minimum of 10 sentences each. Since she had a meltdown during one of the (EASY) reading comprehension sheets this morning, I can only imagine what happiness and joy will flow when we start on the research project.

I myself was a very good student but I’m not at all cut out for homeschooling. I’ve already told my husband that if the rumors are true and the schools remain closed until Christmas or beyond, I’m leaving and putting the kids in school in the US. It might sound extreme but I’m not the only mother here thinking the same thing!

I got all of my suitcases unpacked and am slowly taming the rest of our apartment. It helps that the plant sitter did a pretty thorough clean-up before we arrived home. But I still have plenty to do – it would just be easier if I could kick the jet lag.

The first couple of nights I fell into bed exhausted by 10pm. Then I woke up and tossed and turned between midnight and 4am, finally falling back asleep and intending to get myself up at 8am – or by 9am at the latest. Instead, I slept until 10am. Last night I actually slept most of the night, until one of the usual Cairo summertime brown-outs occurred about 3am, requiring me to get up and deal with the AC in the children’s room when the electricity came back on. I was drowsy but didn’t fall back to sleep immediately. I woke up when my husband went to work then blinked and it was 10am again. The only improvement on this scenario is that at least this time the children were up before me.

We have another week off of school so it’s not crucial that we get up before 10am. I could just go with it and enjoy it. But I have things to do!! In the beginning of the summer when it seemed like I had all the time in the world I didn’t worry about all those math pages the teachers sent home to help give the children a head start for the new year (at my request I feel compelled to add). Now we only have a week left and they each have a stack of pages to do. Since it’s not their fault I procrastinated, I’m picking and choosing which ones we complete.

But we’d get a whole lot more done if I didn’t sleep half the day away!

Only 12 days of peace-I mean school-left.

Putting the constant cries of I’m bored and the general sibling sniping that occurs when the children are in each other’s company all day, there are several things about summer vacation I’m looking forward to: getting out of Egypt and the heat and seeing family, no homework, no packing school lunches (x2). There are too many things to itemize really, but one very small thing that I really love about summer is not having to wake up to an alarm.

What’s your favorite thing about summer?

Leslie Langtry is, in fact, a mom and a Girl Scout leader, but she has never assassinated anyone, either professionally or for recreation. Okay, she knits, but she almost never garrotes anyone with the circular needles.

Instead, she lives with her husband, Tom, and two children, Margaret and Jack, in the Quad Cities – with no immediate plans to train either child as an assassin. She wants to make that perfectly clear.

Leslie shares blog space with four other amazing Dorchester writers at Killer Fiction. I Shot You Babe is scheduled for release July 1, 2009.

When Fractions Happen to Good People

The other night, my ten year old daughter asked me to help with her math homework. I laughed because, just how hard can 5th grade math be? I mean, I went through 5th grade and did okay. So we sat down to work. I kind of pictured it as a sort of Norman Rockwell painting…”Loving and Intelligent Mom Helps Child.” That sort of thing.

The first few problems were easy. No problem I thought. Of course I know what 1/5 of 100 is! I’m so smart it’s scary! The next two problems followed suit. I was really impressing my kid with my mad math skills. Little did I know that this is how they lure you in and then reduce you to monosyllabic rants.

What is 1/2 of 5/7? I rubbed my eyes. Surely this was a trick question. The answer was probably “mauve.” I read and re-read the question while my daughter looked at me expectantly.

“Um, er, what do YOU think the answer is?” That’s it! Deflect with psychology! She’d know the answer and I’d nod wisely, indicating that I knew it all along.

Margaret shook her head. “No clue. I was sick they day they studied this. You’ll have to explain it to me.”

Damn.

I have broken out in a cold sweat before. There was a job interview where they asked something and I promptly forgot the question before giving the answer – which, it turned out, I didn’t know. There was a pop quiz in Kievan Russia 1490-1628 when I hadn’t attended the class in a month. There was even the time I lied to my husband about how much that pair of shoes really cost just before he produced the receipt ala Perry Mason. This was like that.

Me: “Oh. Well, what is half of 5/7?”
Margaret: “That’s what I’m asking you.”
Me: “I think you should have to figure it out.”
Margaret: “Okay, but you have to help me.”
Me: Banging the book on the table and hoping for a distraction of epic proportions that, by the way, never comes. “What does it say in the chapter?”
Margaret: “It isn’t in there. I looked already.”
Me: After letting out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding in, “It’s a secret.”
Margaret: “You don’t have any idea, do you?”
Me: “Sure I do! I have a masters degree! I’m over 40!”
Margaret: Shaking head slowly. “You are so sad.”
Me: Pulling out my cell phone. “Yes I am. Let’s text Daddy.”

My husband came home later that night after the kids were in bed. He found me sitting in the kitchen, swearing at my daughter’s math book with an empty wineglass and, um, an empty bottle of wine.

He didn’t know the answer either.

Don’t let math happen to you.