Jenyfer Matthews

I’m in my usual stressed out, pre-travel packing mode at the moment. You might think that I’d be an expert at packing by now…yes and no. Stop by friend and author Shelley Munro’s blog to find out what special packing challenges I’m facing this year. Leave a comment and you’ll have a chance to win a PDF copy of SEPARATION ANXIETY.

I’ll be back with you, live from Egypt next week. Have a great weekend and send me positive thoughts for a smooth trip back!

I’m guest blogging at Killer Fiction today, reminiscing about my own childhood family vacations. Stop by and keep me company – and tell me about your family vacations.

And don’t forget that tomorrow, July 31st, is the last day to take advantage of the sale on my latest release SEPARATION ANXIETY, available at Smashwords.com. For those of you holding out for a paperback, good news! The trade paperback will be available for sale very soon at Amazon.

I also thought I’d share the new recipe I tried for July: Beer Margaritas. Talk about easy and tasty – and very refreshing on a hot summer afternoon.

Beer Margaritas

2 – 12 ounce cans of beer (I used Corona)
1 – 12 ounce can of frozen limeade concentrate
12 ounces of tequila

Pour into a pitcher and mix well. Serve over crushed ice and consume with friends.

ETA: SEPARATION ANXIETY is now available in paperback on Amazon!

Have a great weekend!

ECHOES OF PASSION releases today! It’s part of the sci-fi Hunters for Hire series available from Ellora’s Cave and Cerridwen Press! Here’s a bit about it:

Neotia Prime… The home world of the Neoti and the Vozuans was destroyed by a doomsday device twenty years ago, but the troubles and unrest that led to the event still plague those who resettled on the twin planet.

When Daegon Bosaru arrives on the unnamed world, determined to uncover who is out to smear his dying father’s good name, he discovers that the tragedies of that civil war still haunt those who remain. Not only that, the mysterious, beautiful woman he’s been seeing in his dreams over the past twenty years may have information he needs. But when he finally meets Imreen Dal in the flesh, she seems not to know him—and furthermore, she runs from him every time she encounters him. Why?

Rumors persist that the crazed dictator who set off the doomsday device may still be alive…with fresh plans for conquest. Bosaru needs to find out how his father, the mysterious Imreen and the madman are related…and stop another world from being destroyed.

Read more about the story behind the story plus an excerpt on a previous feature on Jenyfer’s blog.

Buy this book!

Eilis Flynn has spent a large chunk of her life working on Wall Street or in a Wall Street-related firm, so why should she write fiction that’s any more based in reality? She spends her days aware that there is a reality beyond what we can see and tells stories about it for Cerridwen Press. Published in other genres, she lives in Seattle with her husband and spoiled rotten cats. Visit her website to learn more about Eilis and her writing.

I’ll be taking the weekend off this week – I have a moose to quilt. But do stop by – author Mona Risk will be here with a preview of her upcoming release BABIES IN THE BARGAIN with The Wild Rose Press, coming July 3rd.

Leslie Langtry is, in fact, a mom and a Girl Scout leader, but she has never assassinated anyone, either professionally or for recreation. Okay, she knits, but she almost never garrotes anyone with the circular needles.

Instead, she lives with her husband, Tom, and two children, Margaret and Jack, in the Quad Cities – with no immediate plans to train either child as an assassin. She wants to make that perfectly clear.

Leslie shares blog space with four other amazing Dorchester writers at Killer Fiction. I Shot You Babe is scheduled for release July 1, 2009.

When Fractions Happen to Good People

The other night, my ten year old daughter asked me to help with her math homework. I laughed because, just how hard can 5th grade math be? I mean, I went through 5th grade and did okay. So we sat down to work. I kind of pictured it as a sort of Norman Rockwell painting…”Loving and Intelligent Mom Helps Child.” That sort of thing.

The first few problems were easy. No problem I thought. Of course I know what 1/5 of 100 is! I’m so smart it’s scary! The next two problems followed suit. I was really impressing my kid with my mad math skills. Little did I know that this is how they lure you in and then reduce you to monosyllabic rants.

What is 1/2 of 5/7? I rubbed my eyes. Surely this was a trick question. The answer was probably “mauve.” I read and re-read the question while my daughter looked at me expectantly.

“Um, er, what do YOU think the answer is?” That’s it! Deflect with psychology! She’d know the answer and I’d nod wisely, indicating that I knew it all along.

Margaret shook her head. “No clue. I was sick they day they studied this. You’ll have to explain it to me.”

Damn.

I have broken out in a cold sweat before. There was a job interview where they asked something and I promptly forgot the question before giving the answer – which, it turned out, I didn’t know. There was a pop quiz in Kievan Russia 1490-1628 when I hadn’t attended the class in a month. There was even the time I lied to my husband about how much that pair of shoes really cost just before he produced the receipt ala Perry Mason. This was like that.

Me: “Oh. Well, what is half of 5/7?”
Margaret: “That’s what I’m asking you.”
Me: “I think you should have to figure it out.”
Margaret: “Okay, but you have to help me.”
Me: Banging the book on the table and hoping for a distraction of epic proportions that, by the way, never comes. “What does it say in the chapter?”
Margaret: “It isn’t in there. I looked already.”
Me: After letting out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding in, “It’s a secret.”
Margaret: “You don’t have any idea, do you?”
Me: “Sure I do! I have a masters degree! I’m over 40!”
Margaret: Shaking head slowly. “You are so sad.”
Me: Pulling out my cell phone. “Yes I am. Let’s text Daddy.”

My husband came home later that night after the kids were in bed. He found me sitting in the kitchen, swearing at my daughter’s math book with an empty wineglass and, um, an empty bottle of wine.

He didn’t know the answer either.

Don’t let math happen to you.

Dara England is the pen name of Carol Green, an author of fantasy, paranormal romance, historical fiction, and contemporary fairytales. When she isn’t glued to her computer screen, Dara can be found attending renaissance fairs, going to operas and ballets, or hanging out at her local library and bookstores. Visit her on the web

Brought to Life
Blurb:

Megan Hurst’s life has taken some unexpected turns: First she loses her heart to the dashing hero of a novel. And then she meets an amnesia victim who seems just like him.

The mysterious stranger needs her help to piece his past together, and the closer the two become, the more questions arise about his resemblance to a “fictional” character.

Megan’s romantic feelings and her bizarre suspicions bring her to an impossible question… Has she dreamed the Duke to life?

Excerpt:

None of the onlookers were making a move to help. Megan shoved her way through the crowd to reach the still figure sprawled across the pavement. Kneeling at his side, she noted in a glance that he still breathed. There was little blood except for a thin stream trickling from his face, which
was turned down toward the pavement.

“Someone call an ambulance,” Megan shouted at the staring crowd. “He needs to get to a hospital.”

“I tell you it was like he just appeared,” repeated the driver, coming to stand over her. Megan ignored him.

In the background someone was speaking into a cell phone, presumably to an emergency operator. “The intersection of Fairmont and Main,” the woman was saying. “A man’s been hit by a car. I think he’s dead.”

He wasn’t dead. Already he was stirring and making slight moaning sounds. Megan didn’t dare move him for fear of injuring him worse. Instead she twisted around and lay so that her face rested on the pavement, level with his. “It’s all right,” she soothed. “Don’t try to move. Help is on the way.”

Catching her first glimpse into the face of the injured man she cut off mid-sentence. There was something incredibly familiar about him. Those impossibly gorgeous eyes, the sharp cleft in his chin, and his hair. She’d once read someplace where someone’s hair was described as the shade of
sun-ripened wheat. For some reason that seemed to suit this man.

His emerald colored eyes were wide open. Even in his apparent pain she could read no fear in them. Instead his gaze was fixed steadily, confidently, on her. The expectancy in that look sent an odd feeling through Megan. For a moment she had the weird sense that he somehow knew and trusted her better than she knew or trusted herself.

She cleared her throat of a sudden dryness. “You’re gonna be okay,” she said for want of a better reassurance.

He mumbled something back, but it was hard to make out. It might have been, “I know.” Then his eyes closed and he went limp.

Buy This Book!

I was born in a small town in Iowa, and have traveled extensively, living in several different regions of the U.S. and briefly overseas. I ended up back in the Midwest where I’m married to a very talented glass artist who spends alot of time in the studio, making amazingly beautiful things. We have assorted animals who live with us and who make regular appearances in my books under various pseudonyms (they know who they are).

In 2003 I read my first romance novel and immediately decided this was the genre for me. But there was a problem: the books I read all featured young heroines, interested in starting a family and having babies. So I started writing romantic suspense (with an occasional side trip into paranormal fantasy) about older women, with some age on’em, who are interested in men and sex and having a good relationship (which may or may not include a marriage). I hope you enjoy reading about them as much as I enjoy writing about them.

—————————-

It seems like whenever I’m here at Jen’s blog I’m talking about second books in a series. I’m not sure what bit of timing causes that, but it’s interesting.

I have the second book in my “Fatal Writer’s Conference” series out now. The series features B.R. Emerson (Bea or “Ralph” to her friends … her pen name is Raphael Emerson, hence the Ralph). Bea writes sexy mystery stories featuring Cal Delvecchio, a fictional hero she created. But then she met a guy who reminds her so much of Cal. The problem was, the guy was a cop and he was investigating a murder that took place at a writer’s conference where Bea was a guest — and almost a victim.

The first book took place at a fictional writer’s conference in Abilene where I introduced Bea and the cop, Lucas Remarchik. The second book is set in Florida and I created a fictional conference based on the Clue board game. The categories for writing awards are the Mrs. Peacock (best historical), the Miss Scarlet (best sexy mystery), Mrs. White (best cozy) … you get the idea. The workshops are all held in board rooms with Clue board game names (the “conservatory” is where forensics talks are held; the “library” is the bookstore).

As part of the conference, there’s a cover model contest (anyone who’s gone to RT will be somewhat familiar with this, although I’ve changed it a bit to suit my purposes). As the book opens, one of these male models accosts my heroine, Bea Emerson, giving her a big kiss in the hotel lobby. Unfortunately Bea’s lover, Lucas, sees it and he has an argument with the model. When the model is found dead on the beach later, well, Lucas is a suspect. A few days later …

Oh, that would be telling. Suffice it to say, Bea & Lucas have had their ups and downs in their relationship (which started with the first book, Autographs, Abductions and A-List Authors). In this book, their relationship takes a definite twist, one that Bea didn’t see coming. What is it? Find out in June when the third book releases!

Here are links to excerpts for each book:

Autographs, Abductions, and A-list Authors

Sun, Surf, and Sandy Strangulation

For more info about both books (and the other books I have out), check my web site.

Are there more books coming after the third one? I didn’t plan to create more, but I went to a conference in January. It was on a cruise ship and I found the *perfect* place to murder someone on that ship. Then I came up with a motive, and a victim and a villain. And before you know it, I brought Bea and Lucas out of retirement and I’m working on that book now.

Sometimes these characters take on a life of their own…

Buy this book! Also available in print!

Eilis Flynn has worked at a comic book company, a couple of Wall Street brokerage firms, a wire service, and a magazine for futurists. She’s written a variety of things that don’t seem to belong together, but they do: comic book stories both online and in print, scholarly works in a previous life as a scholar, book reviews and interviews, and articles about finance (at odds with her anthropology background), before settling down to write romantic fantasies about the reality beyond what we can see.

Eilis’s latest book, Echoes of Passion, is coming out from Cerridwen Press on July 2, 2009.

With Spaceships Instead of Horses

One of the most famous stories about the creation of Star Trek is how Gene Roddenberry referred to the show as he was shopping it around: “Wagon Train” to the stars, he said, referring to a TV Western show that was popular at the time. Boiled down to the generalities, they had a lot in common: Every week, there was a new story about something different on their voyages. One voyage just happened to be on the dusty trail, the other in deep space.

When I was writing Echoes of Passion, I tried to keep that in mind. EoP, you see, is a sci-fi romance, and even though I’d written fantasies before, I’d never written anything resembling science fiction (I don’t count stories about super-heroines as sci-fi; they are firmly in the realm of the fantastic). Because EoP is a story in the Hunters for Hire universe, a shared universe created and developed by a number of Ellora’s Cave and Cerridwen Press authors, I had to make sure I adhered to the story bible. I couldn’t come up with plot devices out of the blue that might be at cross-ends with the bible, so I had to make sure that the indigenous peoples were either mentioned or not contradicting story canon. And it had to be something that was vaguely futuristic. It had to be space opera.

But I’m not a fan of opera in general.

I had a vague story idea but that was it, and my fear of having to deal with someone else’s canon kept tripping me up. But I kept reminding myself that the space opera was mere trapping, that a story was a story, and once I kept that in mind, EoP finally bloomed.

ECHOES OF PASSION is about Daegon Bosaru, a Secret Sciences Police officer, who discovers that someone is spreading damaging rumors about the role that his dying father, the former Neotian ambassador to the Amalgamation, played in the Neotian civil war. To discover the truth, Daegon must travel to the new home world of his clan — where he encounters a mysterious, passionate woman he has been seeing in his dreams for most of his life. She has information he needs — but she disappears whenever he gets close to her.

What does the mysterious woman know? And what do the accusations against his father have to do with this? Bosaru discovers that Verot Barus Kurog, the crazed ex-dictator who led the home world into a civil war, is still alive, and has plans to rise to glory again, no matter how many more people have to die for it to happen — and the doomsday device that destroyed Neotia Prime is still within his grasp.

Bosaru must track down the mad ex-dictator — but first, he must find out what the woman of mystery knows.

ECHOES OF PASSION

Secrets can destroy, but they can also liberate

Neotia Prime…

The home world of the Neoti and the Vozuans was destroyed by a doomsday device twenty years ago, but the troubles and the unrest that led to the event still plague those who resettled on the twin planet. When Daegon Bosaru arrives there, determined to find out who is out to smear his dying father’s good name, he discovers that the tragedies of that civil war still haunt those who remain. Not only that, the mysterious, beautiful woman he’s been seeing in his dreams over the past twenty years may have information he needs, but when he finally meets Imreen Dal in the flesh, she seems not to know him–and further, she runs from him every time she encounters him. Why?

And rumors persist that the crazed dictator who set off the doomsday device may still be alive…with fresh plans for conquest. Bosaru needs to find out how his father, the mysterious Imreen, and the madman are related…and stop another world from being destroyed.

ECHOES OF PASSION
Excerpt

Where did you go? You’re not getting away this time, Imreen Dal!

A flash out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. So what was going on, she hit him over his head and then tried to trip him up, but she stayed around to make sure he was all right? That was a mistake.

She took off, but he was faster, and now, he was angry. She knew the area better, but he knew it fairly well by now. And he was very angry.

Every time she took a turn, he took it a little faster. Every time she tried to double back, he blocked her way. Little by little, he cornered her again–into an open-air alley, with natural light, with no windows, no exits, no tunnels nearby. She was trapped.

If he hadn’t been blindingly angry, he would have felt bad about it. But just in case, he made sure there was nothing around that she could hit him over the head with again.

There was a small, quivering shadow in the corner, almost hidden behind the trash bins.

Her time was up.

“Imreen Dal. Show yourself!” Bosaru shouted.

For a minute the alley was dead silent. For a minute he didn’t think she would comply. Finally he heard a rustle in the shadowed corner before an indistinct form emerged. Even before she hit the light he knew who it was. The white and gold fabric of her priestess shift glinted, just enough to highlight the curves it was wrapped around.

Imreen Dal. The same priestess he first encountered in the shrine.

Imreen Dal. The woman who had been his dreams’ companion all these years.

“Imreen Dal.” Bosaru took a deep breath. “Good to see you again.”

The expression on her face was pensive. Or was it doleful? “I wish I could say the same, Officer Bosaru,” she said. “I did my best to keep away from you, but to this end.”

“Why?”

Her face shifted from pensive–resigned, he realized–to something set. There was a glint in her eye. “I thought it was clear. I do not want to speak to you.”

Well, that was blunt. “Just a few questions.”

“I decline.”

“Why? You don’t even know what I’m going to ask!”

“I can guess.”

“Then why didn’t you just decline instead of leading me on a chase?”

“Would you have let it go at that?”

“No,” Bosaru said. “And you didn’t have to hit me over the head, either.”

“I didn’t,” she said.

They stared at each other for a second. “Then who did?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

Bosaru stared at her some more. “You weren’t in the burned-out building around the corner?”

She shook her head. “I was hiding around the corner of it when you went inside. I avoid that building. It’s not stable.”

“But it’s got an entrance to the tunnels. I thought that’s where you were going.”

“I don’t like the tunnels either,” she said. “I only use them when I have to.”

“Then why weren’t you gone by the time I got back out?”

“I was worried about you,” she said. “I stayed until I saw you coming out and knew you were safe. And then I left.”

“Then why didn’t you go into the alleyway that was closest? That would have let you in a safe place.”

“I don’t like that alleyway,” she said.

“Is there anything you do like?”

“Being left alone.”

“What is with you?” he asked, exasperated. “I’m not asking for m–”

“I need to get out of here,” she said, her eyes growing huge. “Now.”

She tried to leave, tried to run, but Bosaru stopped her. “Why?”

Imreen Dal looked up at him, her eyes wide. “Haven’t you noticed?” she asked. “The sun’s set. We can’t be out.”

Echoes of Passion – coming from Cerridwen Press July 2009!

Christie Craig is an award-winning, multi-published writer whose non-fiction and photography have appeared in almost three thousand national magazines. A Golden Heart finalist, and a finalist in more than fifty RWA-sponsored contests, she has gained a well-deserved reputation for writing romance fiction that has both witty humor and a suspenseful, sexy tone. Published by Silhouette in the 90s, she recently broke back into fiction in a big way, making four book sales in one day. Her first single title romance novel, Divorced, Desperate & Delicious published by Dorchester, hit the stands in December 07. Her latest non-fiction book, to be released September 08, is The Everything Guide To Writing A Romance Novel.

Christie’s latest, Divorced, Desperate, and Dating, is available now!

Praise for DIVORCED, DESPERATE, and DATING

“. . . another delightfully entertaining novel with an intriguing mystery. “—Romantic Times BOOKreviews

“…deliciously sexy romances that are as addictive as a can of Pringles; once you start, you can’t stop!”—Night Owl Romance

“…Fans of Janet Evanovich should check [Craig] out.” –Parkersburg News and Sentinel

“Craig earns only the highest praise!”—Manic Readers
“…the jewel of finds when it comes to new authors.” —The Good, The Bad, and The Unread

“What do you write?”

I get asked that question by everyone who hears that I actually make my living penning words.

Now, I don’t mind being asked. As a matter of fact, I’ve kind of gotten fond of hearing people’s responses and even fonder of . . . well, gently educating them on my beloved genre. Oh, sure, every now and then I get one of those impressed looks that immediately informs me that the person asking said question actually reads romance and gets it. But let’s face it. These people aren’t nearly as much fun to deal with, or to blog about. It’s the others I enjoy.

Here’s a few of the more common responses I’ve gotten from . . . uninformed people about the romance genre, and how I gently educated them.

Scenario 1: Tact Only Goes so Far

Uninformed person: “Oh, you write that? I don’t read that.” Said with a look as if they’d just consumed a bad burrito.

Me: (Attempting to be nice.) “So what do you read?”

Uninformed person who is about to lose the uninformed person status and move straight to full-blown idiot: “Sci fi and horror.” (Said proudly.) “You know, by real writers.”

Me: (The gloves are off.) “Yeah. Real writers pen stories about psycho people running around removing people’s body organs, or eating people. They write real fiction about someone putting on a mask and using people as knife holders. Or maybe they kill women and use their skin to make themselves an outfit—you know, real life stuff. Or maybe they create alternate worlds where some people have a third eye, and two eyed people eat the three-eyed kind.” *

Generally, about this time is when the look on idiots’ faces remind me of someone who ate the bad burrito and it’s about to come up. I should shut up, but I can’t.

Me again: “Wait? I think some of that stuff appears in romance fiction, too. Sure, it does, it’s a tad less classy than what I described. But wait, we cheapen our stories by adding things like love, family, and commitment.”

Idiot who knows he’s stuck his foot in his mouth but must be hungry because he’s about to swallow it: “But you have sex in yours. What message would are you trying to send the young people?”

Me, having too much fun: “Yeah, and it’s generally the consensual kind of sex that doesn’t include torture, and we all know that doesn’t make it into real fiction. And I mean every parent would by far prefer that their children grow up to slaughter innocent victims or be prejudice against three-eyed aliens than do something so horrific as have sex with someone they will commit to.”

Scenario 2: Literature at Its Best

Uniformed Person (My son’s English teacher): “Oh, you write that. Well, I only read real literature.”

Me: (Did I tell you my son is failing English?): “Wow, you mean like Bridges of Madison County, and Romeo & Juliet.”

Snobbish teacher: Well, yes, I’ve read both of those. But they’re . . . different.”

Me (Totally understanding why my son is failing English): “Oh, I know exactly what you mean. When I lower myself to read a book in the romance genre like I write in, I seriously miss the unhappy, depressing ending that makes me want to go slice my wrists and neuter every penis-toting human within a mile radius of me.”

Yeah, I said “penis” to an English teacher, how cool was that?

Scenario 3: How My Doctor Became My Ex-Doctor

Uniformed MD (Aka—My doctor): “Romance? Hmm… It’s still fabulous that you’re a writer.”

Me (Not understand the . . . hmm, but still happy): “Thanks.”

Doctor: “How long does it take to write one of those books?”

Me (Not liking the “those books” comment, but giving him the benefit of the doubt): “Five or six months.”

Doctor (About to become my ex doctor): “You’re joking. I thought that type of fluff would go faster.”

Me (Thinking about the list of doctors I’d had to chose from when I accidentally picked this idiot): “Are you thinking about a writing a book some day?”

Doctor (Securing his position as my Ex-doctor) “As a matter of fact, I’ve thought about it. You know, doing it in my spare time.”

Me (being a smart ass): “That’s funny.”

Doctor: “What’s funny?”

Me: “It’s just I’m thinking about becoming a doctor in my spare time.”

Okay…that’s just a few of my responses about my beloved romance genre. Are you guys romance readers? Writers? What books have you read lately?

Please stop by my website and my regular Tuesday blog at Killer Fiction.

————————–
* Hi Guys,

Christie Craig

In her previous life, Gemma worked in such diverse jobs as a film and television actress, a teddy bear importer, a department store administrator, a preschool teacher, a temporary tattoo artist, and a 900 number psychic. All of which have given her excellent fodder for future characters.

Her first book, Spying in High Heels, was published in 2006, and since then Gemma has been the recipient of numerous awards, including the National Reader’s Choice award and two RITA nominations.

Gemma now makes her home in the San Francisco Bay area, where she is hard at work on her next book.

***********

Thanks so much for letting me crash your corner of the cyber world, Jenyfer!

So, how’s everyone’s 2009 going so far? Keeping to those resolutions? I’ll admit, I’ve probably done the exact opposite of each and every one of mine so far this year. Yikes! I’m thinking February will be the new January for me. But, I have a really great excuse. (No giggling from the peanut gallery. It is good. I swear!) My latest book, Mayhem in High Heels, came out at the end of December and between the interview, signings, and promo blitz, I’ve needed the chocolate just to function. On the up side, I’ve been waiting for this book to release for nine long months, and it’s been so fun seeing it hit stores.

Mayhem in High Heels is the fifth and final book in my High Heels series of romantic mysteries, and it follows fashion designer turned amateur sleuth, Maddie Springer, as she investigates the death of a wedding planner. Unfortunately, hers. As the killer closes in and wedding disasters from hideous bridesmaid dresses to incontinent doves pile up, Maddie’s race to the altar quickly becomes a race against time.

One of my favorite things about writing this book was all the research. Having never been married myself, I turned to my friends, family, and readers to give me the dirt on what really goes on behind the scenes at a wedding. Some of their stories made me laugh, some made me cry and go “awww”, but my absolute favorite one came from a young woman who posted hers on a wedding forum. I laughed so hard I think I pulled something the first time I heard this story. Here’s what happened at her wedding:

She was just 19 when she got married, and the night before her wedding she let her husband-to-be borrow her car to go to his bachelor party. Only neither he nor the car came home that night. The next morning he still hadn’t brought the car back, and the bride was beginning to worry. Finally, an hour before the wedding is supposed to start, the groom shows up at her house. Only, he didn’t bring her car back. He’s in a tiny, bright purple car. He tells her he knows purple is her favorite color, so he borrowed this one from a friend to make her day more special. (Smooth guy, huh?)

So, the two get in the purple car, pile the best man and maid of honor in the back, and drive into the city where the Justice of the Peace will marry them. But they can’t find the place. The end up asking a police officer, who gives them a police escort – lights, sirens and all – to the JP’s place. When they finally arrive, they realize, to their surprise, they’re in Chinatown. The JP’s assistant comes out and rings a giant bong three times before the JP makes his ceremonial appearance. He starts the service, but his accent is so thick that when he tells them to repeat the vows after him, they can’t understand what he’s saying. They totally wing it, making up the vows themselves as they go. After the ceremony he brings out little glasses with drinks for a toast. The bride and groom – water. The JP – vodka.

When, after containing their laughter from the mangled ceremony, the bride and groom signed the marriage license and paid the JP, he argued that it wasn’t enough money. They got the “deluxe” ceremony. So, they all started digging in purses and pockets, and between the four of them finally came up with enough to satisfy the JP.

As they were leaving the JP’s, his assistant threw rice at them… and accidentally hit a bee’s nest. Angry bees came flying out and chased the wedding party all the way back to their car. Oh yeah, the purple car? Once it was time to leave for the honeymoon, the groom confessed that he and his friends had been so drunk the night before, they’d completely lost her car. He’d borrowed the purple one at the last minute, but didn’t want to tell her until AFTER the ceremony. You know, so she didn’t change her mind. So, the bride’s father ended up driving them to their honeymoon destination, in the back of his station wagon. Very romantic.

With a wedding like that, I can only imagine how fun the marriage will be.

If you have any great wedding stories, feel free to pop over to my website and share them in my Wedding Stories Contest. The prize? An autographed copy of Mayhem in High Heels!