Jenyfer Matthews

It occurred to me after my rant last week that my reporting what a pain my son was being lately and then announcing that I was planning to spoil him a bit may not have made sense to everyone. Why reward rotten behavior, after all? Allow me to explain.

I had a little epiphany over the weekend regarding my son’s behavior. It seems he is suffering a bit of post-holiday separation anxiety. Suddenly everything made sense.

He and I were walking home after his tennis lesson and he was demanding to be moved up to the next grouping. He is fantastic, and has progressed enormously in the last few months, however he is too young (and small) to move up to the next group of players. The youngest in that group is eight and he just couldn’t really compete with them at the age of six. I explained that to him and he started in on how he wanted to grow up fast, he wished he were older, etc. I gave him a hug and told him not to be in such a hurry to grow up because mommy would miss him when he grew up and moved away. I said this intending to try and jolly him out of his snit. It didn’t help.

In fact, he started to cry.

He then went on and on about how he didn’t want to move away from me, ever. I told him that no one was going to make him go anywhere. At present he intends to live with me forever and has in fact compromised on his plan to get a dog and said he’d get a cat instead so he could stay at home. Then he told me never to even suggest that he might want to move away one day because it makes him sad.

My poor, sweet boy. He’s often a bit clingy after having had a long holiday at home but after that episode, it was quite clear to me that hugs and reassurance were going to go a lot further than lectures about paying attention in class and being a “big boy” were going to. And I’m quite confident that he will indeed move out one day – but it seems I will have to let it be his idea!!

My daughter on the other hand is moving up to the next tennis grouping. She must be feeling some stress about that change as well because she was sleep walking last night and when I went to guide her back to bed, she started telling me about tennis. More hugs for her too!

Children are a daily challenge. As soon as I think I have it all figured out, they change the rules. If only we could know what we are doing ahead of time so that we weren’t messing with their heads the whole time, they would be a whole lot better off…

I knew that this weekend would be busy, but I wasn’t expecting how exhausting it would be. It wasn’t as if I was the one doing all the sports!

Wine night on Thursday was so much fun. I put the kids to bed, put my husband on call, and kicked back with my friends. Only three of the ten who said they would come did actually attend but that just meant that there was more wine and food for us. And goodness was there food! One Indian lady who said she would come and then had to cancel due to illness sent her food on anyway – four DOZEN samosas! Between the samosas, the shrimp tray, the sushi, and the pie that another friend brought we had more than enough. I sent everyone home with a box of samosas and was still eating leftover party food all weekend.

My daughter’s weekend was not so good. The antibiotics the doctor prescribed for her were not the correct variety and so her fever persisted. She begged me to play her school tournament on Friday and I almost cracked – I love to watch her play as much as she loves to be out there. I was seriously wavering when a friend gave me a solid reason to say no: dehydration. So I was the mean mom and said no, much to her disappointment – and that of her school team / PE teacher.

Saturday we had to be at the soccer field and ready to play for my son’s tournament at 8AM. He had three rapid fire games, back to back. He played really hard but his team lost the first two games and won their third. They were knocked out of the tournament but ended on a high note (with cupcakes!) so were very happy.

My daughter’s team was scheduled to play at 10AM and I told her she could watch – she wanted to see her coach again and collect her participation trophy and since I had to be there anyway for team mom duties, I said yes. The other team did not show up so their team advanced by forfeit. No quick end as I had hoped. Next game at noon.

We hung around and they played at noon. And as I expected, daughter begged to play. Coach gave us puppy eyes. Other parents pleaded with us. Daughter was medicated and fever free. Hubby and I finally cracked and said she could play, but only defense since that doesn’t require so much running. She did a quarter on defense and we caved in and let her run. She was obviously not tip-top but still managed to score a goal for her team so she was elated.

Her team won that game and had to play another right away, which ended 0-0 and went to penalty kicks and in the end the other team won. Which was a mixed blessing – I would have loved to see them advance because even had they lost the next round they would have been fourth. But at the same time it was already 2PM and I was ready to go home!!

As it turns out, I was right to worry about the cupcakes because the mom I asked to bring them did not. However, because I am a neurotic control freak, I had bags of backup cookies in my bag which the children devoured. Our spread seemed a little paltry compared to some teams I saw who had elaborate cakes decorated with soccer balls. However, I saw many of those cakes being taken away hardly touched while there was very little left at the end of our party.

Daughter collapsed when she came home, fever returned. After a phone consultation with the doctor, her medication has been changed and she seems a bit perkier already. I am doing my best to not only get her well again, but also keep the rest of us healthy. It’s never a good time to get sick but this coming weekend we have an overnight trip scheduled as well as a tennis tournament and the following weekend the children and I fly to the US. I’m popping vitamins like candy.

And I’m oh-so-thankful that soccer season is finished!

Now that I have all of the birthdays out of the way, it’s time to turn my attention to the next big event this month – Halloween. Even if I didn’t have children, I would celebrate Halloween. I love the fall decorations, the pumpkins, and have fond memories of the holiday from my own childhood. But I do have children so my job is now to assist them in putting together their chosen costumes.

Both children requested to be mummies this year – they liked the idea of being wrapped up in toilet paper. Since I know that my son would burst out of the toilet paper in about ten seconds (The Mummy meets the Hulk) I have had to come up with some other ideas to design such a costume. I found some white leggings and a long sleeve t-shirt for my daughter and have some flimsy white fabric I can cut into strips. It’ll take some time to wrap it around her and take a stitch here and there to secure it, but I feel confident saying she’s taken care of (I know, I know – famous last words!)

There were no leggings in my son’s size so I have been working on alternate ideas for him. Last year, his class did a unit on Native American Indians for which he had a costume – a top and pants made to look like fringy buckskin. I was hoping he’d decide to wear that costume along with his coonskin cap and be Davy Crockett / an American West hunter. He wasn’t enthusiastic about the idea. As opposed as I am to buying him toy weapons, I thought perhaps a toy rifle or a bow and arrow set might tip the scale in my favor.

Finding a toy gun in the shops in Cairo is not the problem – the problem is finding a simple toy rifle among all the anti-terrorism machine guns (with real red siting laser and sound effects!) I did finally find one simple looking rifle only to discover that it shot real BBs. I gave that one a miss. The only bow and arrows I could find had Spiderman on them. I kept that one in mind as a backup and started brainstorming for other costume ideas.

My daughter has a karate uniform from some lessons she took more than a year ago. So I started looking for a sword – maybe my son would be interested in being a Ninja warrior. You’d *think* a sword would be easy enough but I was having trouble finding anything that didn’t require batteries – because all swords need batteries!!?? Yesterday I got lucky and found a set with a Ninja sword AND a bow and arrow set. Okay, so the bow and arrow isn’t exactly the right period or style for the American West, but neither was the Spiderman set.

I’ll get back to you on what he selects.

I thought that I was out of the woods with costumes for another year when the kids received a birthday party invitation for the coming weekend – a pirate party. My son has a go-to pirate costume but my daughter was in tears over what she was going to wear so I’m back to brainstorming.

The fun just never stops at my house…

Another fast and furious weekend behind me.

Friday I hosted a party for my son’s 6th birthday. We invited 20 of his closest friends – and they all showed up! I tried to keep things simple by scheduling it mid-afternoon – post lunch – and relieving myself of providing anything other than party food. Chips, popsicles, juice and cake. It was two hours of mayhem, but everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

Everyone aside from my son.

I don’t know what it is about birthdays but it does seem to bring out the worst in my children. I suppose they get overstimulated. Or they expect too much and are just experiencing some let down at the actual event? I don’t expect gratitude exactly, but after rushing around to gather the supplies, make 16 cupcakes and a bundt cake, and dole out popsicles to swarming children for two hours, I’d like more for my efforts than whining and complaining.

(And none of the above even touches on the squabbling and jealousy that takes place between my children over the presents)

So I’ve made a decision. It’s a bold step and we’ll see if I can actually stand up to the pressure come July when my daughter’s birthday rolls around, but I have decided that we won’t be having any more friend birthday parties. I’ve had enough. I’d prefer to pick a special activity that we can do as a family and just keep things simple. I truly do think that everyone will be happier that way.

I know I will.

Try explaining to an almost-six-year-old why they can’t request that you throw them a surprise party – or even what a surprise party is. I went through this with my son yesterday. He insisted that he could too keep a secret.

Then just imagine the logistics of actually trying to throw a surprise party for a young child. The tears (and tantrum) that would ensue from the oh-is-it-your-birthday? sorry-there’s-no-party fake out. Wait, SURPRISE!!!! They’d be both confused and scarred for life. And how about getting the party guests to keep the secret? It would have to be a surprise party from the guests as well or else someone would spill the beans.

As frustrating as it was to try to explain to my son why we weren’t throwing him a surprise party, it was such an absurd scenario, it made me giggle.

Party plans progress: the boy has decided he wants water play in the backyard. I’ll pump up our large wading pool (with slide), put out a slip-n-slide, and turn on the sprinkler. I stocked up on popsicles, Bugles, and juice and will buy a watermelon later in the week. If I can find the gooey Halloween party favors I bought last spring (what can I say – it’s Egypt!) then I’ll be all set!

Time to celebrate – the kids are back in school! Now that I’m not subject to constant demands for food or entertainment (in stereo) I can finally get down to work on polishing my latest manuscript for submission to the agents and editors I met at the conference.

Not to say I don’t still have lots of other things to distract me. My husband and my son have birthdays this month, a week apart, hubby first. Thank goodness I already have his present! I bought it way back in May when I was in Dubai and I can’t wait to give it to him. (Pictures later!) The only thing other thing I need to do for his birthday is track down the ingredients for a cheesecake and then actually make it. At least I hope it’s that simple. Last year I ended up walking around for more than an hour, checking every grocery in the neighborhood before I finally found the last container of sour cream anywhere in a square mile radius.

Next week is the boy’s birthday – which means hosting a party. Anyone who has been reading my blog for any length of time already knows how much birthday parties stress me out. I’m trying not to let this one get to me too much but it’s hard. There have already been a ton of party invitations sent out – for other people’s parties! I have to get ours out tomorrow, lest all his friends get booked up. He’s requested to have the party in our back garden – which is well and good except now I have to think up some sort of entertainment for a pack of 5 & 6 year old boys. I’m considering renting a bouncy castle. I think if I get a smallish one it will be reasonably priced – worth at least as much as my sanity, right?

If all that wasn’t enough (on top of our on going sports activities), the children have started in on me about their Halloween costumes. First they wanted to be Scooby Doo, now they have switched to mummies. My daughter suggested we could wrap her up in toilet paper. I jumped on that idea because Scooby Doo costumes are scarce in Egypt but toilet paper we’ve got. I can probably even do better than toilet paper. Since my husband wasn’t impressed with the toilet paper suggestion at all, I’ve taken it as a personal challenge to come up with some great mummy costumes for them.

So that’s what’s going on with me this month. Progress reports as progress occurs…

I am the soccer mom. No, really – it’s official. I am the Team Mom for both of my children’s soccer teams. I even have the t-shirts to prove it.

It’s not really that big a deal – mostly just coordinating the after-game snack schedule and arranging for a coach gift at the end of the season. But it does compound my snack neurosis to some degree.

If you thought I worried too much about what to bring for a snack when I was just a regular mom, think about how much worse it is now that I am the Team Mom. It’s kind of ridiculous.

For me, it’s always a struggle between popularity with the children and plain old practicality. They play early in the morning so the mom in me says that nutritional breakfast items / fruit is a much more healthy and appropriate offering. The lazy side of me looks at the easy to buy and distribute packages of cookies / chips and longs.

One benefit of being Team Mom is that I am going first – get my duty out of the way. But I also feel as if I need to plan a snack that will set a good example for all the other snacks to follow this season. In the end I decided to forgo the cookies and make apple muffins and pair that with some fruit. Probably bananas.

I know that some other mom is going to come along later in the season with a cooler of soda and bags of chips, but it can’t be helped. My conscience will be clear.

One of the things I think is an important part of motherhood is teaching your children the skills they will need to be independent, well-adjusted, functional adults one day. You know, little things like how to do laundry and basic cooking skills. My daughter is only just shy of 8 and my son is 5 but you can never start too early with these things – especially since they still think this stuff is fun.

(And if I get a little cheap domestic help during the course of their training, who can blame me? They are legal citizens and besides — I MADE them.)

I recently started paying my daughter to do a few simple things : make her bed in the morning, put her dirty clothes in the hamper and put her shoes away. Some may call the allowance she earns a bribe, but I prefer to think of it as part two of the life lesson – money management. With the pittance she makes she’s getting a bonus lesson of delayed gratification in the process.

She should be thanking me for all this wisdom.

My son has more of an affinity for the kitchen. I think it’s all the buttons and knobs and potential for noise. What is it about men and gadgets? Even at his tender age, he’s mastered the microwave and likes to turn the knob on the food processor (with proper supervision of course!).

One lesson that has been difficult for the little man to grasp is that he doesn’t actually need to take a new cup every time he wants a drink of water. I’ve tried to explain to him that he can simply keep the same cup and use it again and he looks at me in puzzlement and says, “huh?” Maybe if I told him he could store it in the microwave between uses it would sink in better?

Neither one of them can seem to remember to flush the toilet consistently either, but I digress…

The other lesson my son found a bit above his head was making ice. What is it about ice that confounds so many people? It’s a simple recipe : fill tray with water and put in freezer. I’m going to keep working on that one though. Honestly, how many of you out there wish your mother-in-law had driven that (or any of these) lesson(s) home?

Stop by over the weekend and say hello to fellow author Candace Sams, here with an excerpt of her book Satyr. I’m going to sneak away on Saturday to embark on my summer “vacation” (truly, I won’t get any rest until school starts again!), but never fear! I’ll be popping in from time to time and the Friday Features will continue all summer.

Have a wonderful weekend!

This is pretty much what it’s been like at my house since school ended for the summer. Just so you know, if the issue is ever raised, I’m all for a year round school year.

Still, the bickering is preferable to the girl-drama that has been going on around here. There are three little girls in our building, in addition to my own DD – ages 8 & 9. Ideally, the two oldest and the two youngest would pair up and they’d all be happy and entertained. But you know that reality rarely works that way.

Instead what tends to happen is that one little girl defects and goes and plays either on her own or with a little boy. And two others compete for the affection and attention of the third (and oldest). Which always leads to trouble.

Lately, it’s been my DD who has been on the outs with them. It’s been a few weeks since she’s spent much time with any of them and I’m okay with that. Before, she would come home ranting about how she hated this one or that one – or crying because someone had said something nasty to her and excluded her from their play.

I try very hard not to get involved in these dramas, however angry it makes me to see DD hurt. They need to figure out how to deal with things themselves without parental interference. Also, what usually happens is they’ve long gotten over whatever the problem was and I’m still ticked off. If I were to involve myself the only thing that would happen is that I’d be on the outs with all their mothers.

It’s been harder to ignore recently though – particularly when the “in” girls add petty vandalism to their bag of tricks. Nothing they have done – so far – has been such a big deal. But what they don’t realize is that the items they are damaging are things that *I* bought and paid for so I have an interest in putting a stop to it.

So I did what I had to do. I told their mommies on them.

Girls can be such a pain in the butt with all their head games and cliquishness. (I know, I was a little girl once). This is one area where I think a man’s approach is better. Just slug ‘em and get over it…

Since I can’t really get any writing done when the kids are home raising a ruckus, I decided to make a quilt. My son has been asking me for a new one so I thought now was as good a time as any to make one for him. I had planned to do a blue and yellow pinwheel quilt. I still liked the colors but since I made a double pin wheel for him at Christmas, I decided to try something a little different. This is what I made, from a pattern in Stack a New Deck by Karla Alexander:

Because it sort of reminds me of space and the rings around planets, I was thinking I would quilt it with star shapes. We’ll see how that goes!

My son’s response when he saw it? “I like it, but why couldn’t you have made me one with Ben 10?”