Jenyfer Matthews

I’m guest blogging at Killer Fiction today, reminiscing about my own childhood family vacations. Stop by and keep me company – and tell me about your family vacations.

And don’t forget that tomorrow, July 31st, is the last day to take advantage of the sale on my latest release SEPARATION ANXIETY, available at Smashwords.com. For those of you holding out for a paperback, good news! The trade paperback will be available for sale very soon at Amazon.

I also thought I’d share the new recipe I tried for July: Beer Margaritas. Talk about easy and tasty – and very refreshing on a hot summer afternoon.

Beer Margaritas

2 – 12 ounce cans of beer (I used Corona)
1 – 12 ounce can of frozen limeade concentrate
12 ounces of tequila

Pour into a pitcher and mix well. Serve over crushed ice and consume with friends.

ETA: SEPARATION ANXIETY is now available in paperback on Amazon!

Have a great weekend!

I’ve always loved trying out alternate / quirky modes of transporation so it’s no surprise to me how much I enjoyed kayaking.

After my trial run in a very calm inland lake, my step-mother and her sister-in-law took me out on Wednesday to Lake Superior. I’m very happy that we were using sport kayaks, which are a bit wider and more stable – with the water temperature in the instant-skin-numbing zone I wasn’t so keen on flipping over! (though the risk of freezing did add a bit of a thrill to the excursion!)

The weather forecast was a bit iffy and the region is subject to micro-climates (it can be sunny in one spot and foggy a few miles down the road) we decided we didn’t want to drive very far, just in case. We put the kayaks in the water at a nearby beach and set off paddling along the shore to a nearby landmark my step-mother calls Hollow Rock.

(click images to enlarge)

Look at me – still upright!

Approaching Hollow Rock.

The water was just high enough that it would have been difficult to pass through the small opening. It was surprising how much larger the opening is on the other side!

There are actually two openings, but I didn’t see the larger of the two on the approach.

The opening is larger than it looks and was so fun to go inside and investigate.

The view looking out from inside was just stunning.

After the rock, we decided to paddle around a bit more until the wind started to shift on us. The last place you want to be in a kayak is Lake Superior with rolling, cross-wise waves. That lake has sunk bigger boats than a kayak, after all.

We were out for about three hours, give or take, but it didn’t feel that long. I’m hoping to get in a bit more kayaking over the weekend, though I’ll have to share time with my children. I’m also wondering whether my father would notice if I left a trailer with three kayaks parked in the tall grass behind his shed for our next visit??

During the year, I use my father’s address as a convenient place to send the fruits of my online shopping expeditions. It’s kind of fun to see all the stuff piled up and waiting for me when I arrive in the summer, some of which I have forgotten about in the meantime so it’s a bit like opening presents to myself.

The downside of this system is that my name and his address get on a variety of mailing lists so that in addition to the goodies that have piled up, I have a substantial amount of junk mail to go through as well. You know how aggravating it is to get nothing but a bunch of junk mail when you check the mailbox at the end of the day? Multiply that times a year, minus Sundays. The amount I get could probably fill a mail tub. And unfortunately, I have to go through it all because I have no way of knowing if something that actually requires my attention might be hidden in the pile.

Because I’ve given to animal activist and environmental organizations in the past, my name is on all of the major lists of that variety now. On the upside, I usually get a couple of free calendars as a result, maybe a couple dozen note cards. But what is up with all the mailing labels? If I got one, maybe two sheets of mailing labels I’d likely be set for most of the year. I wouldn’t be able to use all of the labels that have currently accumulated if I sent five envelopes every day – especially since it isn’t technically my address anyway!

I must have gotten a dozen pre-approved offers for a gold American Express card as well. Why – because if I didn’t respond to the first eleven offers, the twelfth time is the charm? I took all of those offers and stuffed as many of their forms into their postage-paid reply envelopes with a note that said “remove me” and sent them all back. I wonder if they will finally take the hint? I could have called the toll-free 800 number listed on the bottom of their letter and requested to be removed, but the envelope stuffing was appealing in a more passive aggressive way.

I know that all of these places send out free labels, cards, and calendars in order to make you feel some obligation to send them money, and taken one envelope at a time here and there it probably works. Seeing a year’s worth piled up just makes it seem like such a waste. Wouldn’t their money be better spent in other ways? It seems particularly wasteful when it comes from organizations whose mission it is to preserve the environment.

I got a smattering of new organizations asking for money as well, and I admit that I’m considering sending one of them a small donation. Who can resist an appeal for guide-dogs? The only reason I’m hesitating is because I wonder who will send me solicitations next? It seems to get worse every year, and in this economy I might well be buried in an avalanche of junk mail next year.

My final flight to the north woods on Saturday went without a hitch – thank goodness. There was a chance of thunderstorms which never materialized and an air show which did not interfere with our schedule. We even enjoyed watching a bit of the air show once we were safely on the ground.

Yesterday was our first proper day of vacation and we started out with a visit to an inland lake for some fishing – and a kayak lesson. My step-mother invited me to come along kayaking with her and a friend and I thought I’d better practice a little first because I don’t relish the thought of flipping over in Lake Superior! It was a lot easier than I thought – then again it was a very calm day. It remains to be seen how I do in the big lake.

Being up here with my own children got me to thinking about all the other trips I’ve made to Minnesota as a child with my parents, many of which were done by car. I remember one year that my sister and I, aged 18 & 14 respectively, smooshed into my dad’s mini-pickup truck (no AC) and rode up from sourthern Lousiana with him. We alternated who had to sit in the middle, which was made more uncomfortable by the stick shift. There was no radio, just an old tape deck which my father had command of. At fourteen, I preferred to listen to road noise and wind than folk music.

Some things never change

Today is our last full day in the “big” city – tomorrow we take a very short flight to our final destination this summer: the woods. I can’t wait. As much as I’ve accomplished this week, it’s been a busy week, what with doing my big annual shop and entertaining the children. Add to that some thunderstorms and a tornado watch and it’s been exciting and scary too!

We’ve been to the Minneapolis zoo, we’ve seen Toy Story 3 in 3D (save yourself some $$ and just see it in 2D), we’ve been bowling every day, and yes I have shopped til I nearly did drop. Tip: never take your kids to the mall for two hours on a power-shopping trip after having spent 5 hours at the zoo. Not a recipe for success (although I did get some tremendous deals). My leg still hurts from all the walking!

Yesterday was my daughter’s birthday so after her tennis camp ended for the day and we did our daily bowl (I bought the kids a pass at the local bowling alley) we got in the car and I drove us to the Mall of America so we could go to the Underwater Adventures aquarium there. It was a happy coincidence that they give you free admission on your birthday. We spent about an hour in the aquarium and then we left. That’s right: other than aquarium tickets and gift shop purchases, I actually walked in and out of the biggest mall I’ve ever seen and didn’t buy a thing.

(There was one scary moment when the children caught sight of the Nickelodean theme park located in the mall. Thank goodness my daughter wasn’t interested in the rides and my son believed me when I told him he was too short to go on any of them. Phew!)

Today? I’m thinking something more restful – like movies. I will likely take my son to see The Karate Kid while my daughter is in her tennis camp, then after she’s finished and we’ve done another bowling trip, we’ll all go and see The Despicables together. A nice calm activity and I can take a nap in the comfy chairs if the movie doesn’t grab me.

Fingers crossed my flight tomorrow goes better than my flight here!

The only thing good I have to say about my flights is that at least the planes had individual TV screens in the seat backs. Since my children were lucky enough to actually get some sleep and I was too exhausted to concentrate on reading, I had plenty of time to watch movies.

Living abroad and not being much of a celebrity watcher, I am clueless about new movies or who is who. How sad is it that planes are my primary time to watch new releases? When I have to crane my neck to watch a screen mounted for the whole cabin, I usually just rely on my ereader. Since I has my own screen and a list of choices, this time I went with movies.

The first movie I watched was called Leap Year. The story of a ridiculously career minded woman who decides to follow her cardiologist boyfriend to Ireland to propose to him on leap year, the one day tradition is reversed in Ireland. She (too) runs into a number of delays and obstacles to her progress and hijinks ensue. This movie had so much potential – the scenery was so lovely and I loved the accent of the Irish man she hired to drive her from the back of beyond to Dublin – but the movie was so riddled with clichés that I could predict every step of the action – and practically the dialog too. Add to that the total lack of believable chemistry between the main characters and this movie was more than a little disappointing. It almost put me off watching any more movies at all and I was glad I hadn’t actually paid to see it in a theater.

The second movie I watched was called When In Rome. This one also featured a ridiculously career minded woman (what is up with that??) She goes to Rome to attend the wedding of her younger sister, who is marrying an Italian man she met on an airplane only a few weeks before. The heroine ends up hitting it off with the very sexy best man – then sees him kissing another woman and is crushed. She ends up sitting on the edge of a famous Italian fountain where people throw coins and wish for love, but instead of tossing in a coin, she climbs in and takes a few, hoping that the magic will wear off on her. It does – each person whose coin she selects falls in love with her (conveniently all male and in the NY area in spite of the fact that the fountain is in Rome). None of them are the least bit appealing to her, except for the best man – only now she’s not sure if his love is genuine or a product of magic from the fountain.

This movie wasn’t totally without its clichés – I think that just goes with the territory of romantic comedy – but it hit all the right notes with me. Restored my faith in watching movies on planes so I went for another.

The third movie I watched, Dear John, was by far my favorite. This was the story of a college girl who meets a soldier during spring break. They fall in love and start corresponding, both thinking he only has a year left in the military, however when the 9/11 attacks occur his sense of duty leads him to re-enlist. They continue to correspond for a while and then…life happens. I don’t want to get too specific in the details because I don’t want to give too much away. This was listed in the independent films section of my menu so I don’t know how widely it was released, but it’s very much worth looking for. The only thing I’ll say is that it does end well, in spite of being set during a war.

I ran out of romantic comedies that looked at all appealing at that point but I still had time on my hands so I watched a Bruce Willis movie called Cop Out. The title was apt. The set up was pretty much like Lethal Weapon or Blue Streak, only those were actually funny. In Cop Out, the light and silly stuff was paired with oddly serious Mexican gang drug violence. Bruce Willis was fine, coasting along on his funny tough guy persona but his partner in the film was working much too hard to act funny to actually be funny. And there was a lot of shooting of bad guys for a cop comedy. There have been tons of successful movies of this sort, but somehow this one just got the tone wrong. It’s movies like this one that lead everyone outside of America to think that neighborhood shoot-outs are an everyday occurrence. Okay, granted the police found murder victims nearly every day in Baton Rouge where I went to high school and college, but I still never personally witnessed violent crime of any sort.

I once had a conversation with a movie producer about the formula for a romantic comedy – he insisted that people want to know what to expect when they watch one. They are the comfort food of films. Of course people want to know what to expect – in broad terms – but they don’t need or want to be bludgeoned to death with the same old scenarios and unfunny slapstick over and over again. The best movies are not the ones that play it safe but the ones that surprise you with new twists on familiar themes.

When my travel agent was booking my summer travel tickets, she suggested that we fly from Cairo to Amsterdam and from there directly to Minneapolis. The benefit of this route was that I would not have to deal with US Immigration and Customs until I reached my final destination. That sounded reasonable to me. Another factor contributing to this decision was that I love Dutch caramel waffle cookies and I planned to bring along a mostly empty trolley as a carry-on bag and buy a case of them while I was in the Amsterdam airport.

I should have known that things were not going to go well when my driver was late to pick us up for the airport. I had booked the car for 1am and he didn’t arrive until nearly half past. The plane left on time from Cairo (4am) and arrived in Amsterdam as scheduled. Since I only had a little more than an hour for my connection, I hurried to find the shop with the cookies before I missed my chance.

I found the shop, got the cookies, and that was pretty much the last thing that went right on this trip.

We had all gone through security and were waiting in the gate area when Delta announced that there was a “technical problem” that they needed to address and that the flight would be delayed. We were supposed to take off at 10:20am. At about 11:30am they finally released us from the gate and gave us some meal vouchers, with instructions to watch the monitors for new gate information and to come back by 1:30pm.

I was happy that I didn’t have any flight connections to worry about but still concerned about the reservations I had for a rental car and a hotel in Minneapolis so I sent a couple of emails while I was in the Amsterdam airport (for a fee – I had my netbook but have yet to find a free wifi connection when I really need one). We had been scheduled to arrive in Minneapolis at noon, and at that point I was still optimistic that we’d arrive only three or four hours late.

We all did as we were told and were corralled into a new gate at 2pm. The technical problem? A catering truck hit a rear door of the plane and damaged it, which required repair and then inspection before we could take off. However, it took them so long to make the repair that our flight crew’s on-duty time had dwindled enough that they were no longer able to fly us all the way to Minneapolis – we would have to fly to New York instead.

Imagine how pleased I was to hear that when, ironically, I usually do a direct flight to New York and if I had done it this time, I would have already arrived by the time that we finally took off, about 3:30pm Amsterdam time.

All the way to NY our flight crew told us that we would not have to deplane, that we would simply land and collect a fresh flight crew. So we landed, then sat on the tarmac for half an hour waiting for a gate. Once we had a gate, of course we had to deplane. It was already 5:30pm NY time and we were told that the Immigration / Customs in Minneapolis would be closed by the time we arrived. So off we all trudged with ALL of our carry-on items to claim our checked bags and go through passport control – so that we could immediately recheck the bags and go directly back to our gate for our flight to Minneapolis, now scheduled for 9pm.

I wasn’t able to find a wifi connection that worked in the NY airport (of course) so a fellow passenger kindly loaned me his phone so I could call my hotel and rental car agency. I was unable to get through to the hotel directly because that would require paying for the call and the numbskull on the national help line seemed distinctly unhelpful. The rental car agency was better, but I did discover that they only stay open until 1am so unless we actually made it to Minneapolis by midnight, I was pretty well screwed.

They herded us back on to the plane for our 9pm departure time, and only then announced that there was no food service. The one time I have not packed a picnic basket of course! I suggested to one of the stewardesses that knowing well in advance that they were going to have a plane load of very crabby people, it might have been smart to either provide a sandwich or at least warn us of the lack of service. (They don’t usually provide food on that route, but surely this was an exceptional circumstance!) So then they started to scramble to get something on board – another delay. Waiting around for permission for our special circumstances flight to take off – another delay. It was going on 10:30pm by the time we were finally allowed to take-off from NY.

And then the pilot announced that it was likely to be very turbulent due to a band of thunderstorms in the area. I’d already spent about five hours delayed in Amsterdam and another five hours in NY. What else could go wrong? Were we going to be hit by lightening next? And so much for the snacks since the captain didn’t want anyone moving around. Add to that an ill passenger (loudly vomiting) a few rows up and I began to expect a quarantine situation!

When we finally arrived in Minneapolis, we were nearly exactly 12 hours late – and from the looks of things the whole place was shut down. It’s strange to see such a big airport in a fairly populous city so deserted. I collected my $$$ vouchers for my inconvenience, good toward future travel because as much as I’d like to say I won’t fly Delta again, I doubt that is true. The least they could give me was a break on future tickets. I also went ahead and made them give me a hotel voucher for the night, just in case the rental car desk was closed.

Truth be told, I wasn’t sure I really wanted to get in a car and drive to the hotel I had reservations in – it was at least half an hour away, it was dark, and I’ve never driven in Minneapolis before. In the end I decided that if the car rental desk was open, I would go ahead and drive to my hotel – I figured that at least at 1am the roads would be less congested.

It was a bit freaky to jump in a car and start driving after such a long, arduous journey – and after a year off from driving! I had to pull over on my way out of the airport when I realized my headlights weren’t on and I couldn’t find the switch! Things were going quite smoothly until I hit a patch of fog and then I though “oh crap” but it was just one little cloud. I found the hotel, the night clerk was awake and checked me in and we got cleaned up. In bed by 3am – and awake again by 6am when jetlag had the kids bouncing off the walls.

I’m whipped. One of our original flight crew said that in all of her 31 years of service, nothing like this had ever happened before. Lucky me!

The Saga of Flight 259… an epic journey, a trial of patience and endurance and the will to go on. If the lightening had materialized I’m sure that someone would have made a TV movie about the whole ordeal. As it is, I’m happy to have gotten my favorite Dutch cookies, but I could have happily lived without them if I could have avoided the rest of it!

While you are sitting comfortably reading this, I have likely been jammed into the cargo section of an airbus traveling for hours, smashed between two sleeping children (that last bit is very likely a fantasy). My route this year will take me through the Amsterdam airport where I plan to buy lots of lots of caramel waffle cookies. And possibly some booze. I think I’m going to need it once I finally get off the plane and settled in our hotel.

The benefit of traveling east is that I’ll leave my home in Egypt at 1am Friday (take off at 4am, ugh) and I’ll arrive in Minnesota at noon, on Friday. I’m getting jetlag just thinking about the time change. Do not despair though! I’ll be taking my netbook along and my hotel is supposed to have wifi. You didn’t think you’d get rid of me that easily, did you?

In case you get lonely for me in the meantime (yeah right!), you might want to consider checking out my new book.

SEPARATION ANXIETY is included in a summer sale for the month of July at Smashwords.com, along with many many other titles. Until the end of the month you can get a copy of SEPARATION ANXIETY for 25% off the regular price just by entering the code SWS25 at checkout.

Go on, you know you want to.

The last time I worked at the library I picked up a couple of books on their discard shelves (these are books that may be actually from the library collection or could be donations that have not been adopted into the collection, lucky me) One of the books I picked up was Spook by Mary Roach.

Spook is non-fiction, but the premise sounded interesting: a skeptic uses science to prove or disprove an afterlife. In the course of the book the author visits India to talk to researchers into reincarnation, she examines the historical and modern day attempts to weigh the soul at the moment of death, she talks about mediums and ectoplasm, delves into a legal case involving a ghost and a will, and finally lets one scientist blast her with electromagnetic waves. Her conclusion? Inconclusive.

I loved this book not only because the topic was interesting, but because of the approach. Roach admits she approached the topic with skepticism but she also presented the information with a tremendous amount of humor. I intended to read this book when I was waiting around during tennis lessons but ended up wanting to read it at bedtime as well because I was enjoying it so much. In the end, I had to restrict my reading time to daylight hours however because I was laughing too hard to be able to relax enough to sleep. I haven’t laughed that hard at a book in ages. I giggled my way through tennis lessons instead.

The book may not have been adopted into the library’s collection, but it has certainly earned a spot on my own shelves.

I’ve been making a bit of a spectacle of myself around the neighborhood recently because I have had it up to here with nearly being run down in the street every time I step outside these days. Since I’ve lived in the same neighborhood for the last four years and the driving / traffic hasn’t really changed much, I can only surmise that the difference is me.

I really need a change of scene.

Since the children have tennis lessons five days a week, I spend a lot of time walking them back and forth to our club. It’s not really that far, and most of the time it isn’t that big a deal. But there is one large, often problematic intersection that we need to cross in order to get to the club.

Picture it: first there is a busy traffic circle with six spokes coming in and out of it. Traffic in Egypt flows counterclockwise, as it would in the US, and were I to walk around that way, I would end up on the closer side to get to our club. However, one of the spokes in that direction is a particularly busy two-way street and the entrance off the circle is a bit blind for the cars so all in all it is worth the extra time and distance for me to play it safe and go around the other way.

Another spoke out of the traffic circle crosses over a railroad track and becomes a two-way boulevard which is immediately crossed by a large one-way street that runs parallel to the railroad track – this is of course the spoke I need to follow. Most of the time walking around the traffic circle clockwise isn’t a big deal, in spite of the one-way boulevard that feeds two lanes of traffic into the circle which I have to cross before I get to the railroad. The trains run infrequently and the parallel street to the railroad is often blocked by the traffic coming from the perpendicular street in to and out of the circle so crossing there isn’t always so bad either, even at rush hour.

(Traffic signals? Police directing traffic? Pshaw! It’s more of an ebb and flow. There are actually a few zebra crossings painted on the road but I’m sure that drivers are perplexed as to the purpose of such patterns.)

The problem lately has been in crossing the boulevard on the other side of the railroad track. There is an island in the middle of the lanes at the top of the street and I cross there so I only have to attempt half the street at a time. There is also a small snack kiosk on this island as well as a florist and people will pull up and park to get what they want – blocking traffic. The people coming along the street then become frustrated by the large speed bump and also the parked cars and will dart in and around, often at high speeds. And did I mention the side street that feeds in just there at a diagonal? That street is after the speed bump so most of the time cars coming from that direction will just merge as quickly as possible so as to get in front of the cars delayed by all the other obstacles. (You really do have to have eyes in the back of you head around here.)

It’s bad enough when I’m alone and some schmuck comes racing around a corner or around another car and misses me by inches, but it really pisses me off when my kids are with me. It scares them and me too. Most of the year I just mutter obscenities under my breath and keep going.

(My children are always so amazed when we are in another country and people actually yield to pedestrians. How sad is it that that makes such an impression on such young children?)

Lately I’ve been a bit more dramatic. I’ve only let a few colorful phrases fly, but I have been stopping in the middle of the street and ushering cars past with an exaggerated double arm wave and a bow. Occasionally I take a swing at them with a bag as they pass and have seriously contemplated kicking out a few headlights. I’ve yelled in a few open windows too. It hasn’t done much to change anyone’s behavior but it makes me feel a little better and I’m sure it amuses the traffic police who are loitering in the intersections smoking.

Yesterday evening as I was crossing with my daughter, a car came over the railroad at a high speed for a neighborhood street and then accelerated in spite of the fact that we were in the middle of the street and directly in his path. I had my hands full of stuff so wasn’t able to make the gesture I wanted, but I did yell. As we cleared the street and the driver passed me, he said “What?” Stop the car, buddy, and I’ll be happy to tell you what.

Need I say that I am counting down the days until my vacation??