Jenyfer Matthews

You also find out interesting things when you have sons, like…

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool,you still can’t walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR’s do not eject ‘PB & J’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16..) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

21.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

22.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

23.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

I mentioned a little while ago that I was turning over a new leaf and that exercise was a part of that. I’ve done so much exercising this week I’d be lucky to be able to lift a leaf right now.

I have activated the Curves membership I won over the summer. Curves has an interesting concept - you do all of their machines as fast as you can for 30 seconds then their soundtrack tells you when to “switch stations”. You go round the circuit twice and in half an hour you’re done. It takes a little getting used to, and I had sort of hoped that I could listen to my own music, but I do like the half an hour bit. And hey - it’s a free membership. What’s to complain about?

They asked that I try to come in three times a week and I said fine. It’s half an hour - no biggie, right? Even with the currently abbreviated hours (for Ramadan), going three times this week should have been doable, and yet life got in the way.

I went on Sunday but was busy on Monday so skipped it. I planned to go on Tuesday afternoon but had a spur of the moment haircut instead, and by the time my husband got home from work there wasn’t time to go before the gym closed. Wednesday morning I went to a yoga class, thinking that I could go home, have lunch and then hit the gym. After an hour and a half of twisting myself up into tortuous positions, all I wanted was a shower and a nap. I went to a water aerobics class this morning. Who knew you could sweat while you exercised in a pool?

Needless to say, I’m not going to the gym today. I’ll be lucky to get myself out of this chair. Every muscle in my body hurts!

You’d think that it wouldn’t matter, that no one would notice how often I go to the gym. But this being a new location, there aren’t that many members yet AND they track your workouts with a scanner. I’m sure I’m going to get a lecture next time I go in. Which will be two times at most next week because I’ll be in Italy for five days starting Wednesday. Oh well.

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of headlines about the wonder of pomegranates - full of fiber and antioxidants and apparently also helpful in weight loss. I love pomegranates and lucky me, they’re in season here now. My new favorite ways to eat them include sprinkling them on top of hummus and throwing a handful in a salad. YUM.

I’m off to take a nap now. Stop by over the weekend when Jane Beckenham will be my featured author.

I appreciate the comments you guys left on my hair-cut dilemma. I wavered briefly but then my bangs got in my eyes once to often and I decided to bite the bullet.

I called the new hair dresser.

He took one look at my shaggy mane and took action. I admit, I was a tad nervous when I saw the length of some of the pieces that were falling to the floor around me, particularly in the front. I’m going to a conference for romance writers and I didn’t want to show up with a mullet!

I’m happy to report that all is well. It’s a little different than it was, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s more sexy-messy now than just plain old messy. One less thing for me to worry about.

On to wardrobe decisions now…

I am the soccer mom. No, really - it’s official. I am the Team Mom for both of my children’s soccer teams. I even have the t-shirts to prove it.

It’s not really that big a deal - mostly just coordinating the after-game snack schedule and arranging for a coach gift at the end of the season. But it does compound my snack neurosis to some degree.

If you thought I worried too much about what to bring for a snack when I was just a regular mom, think about how much worse it is now that I am the Team Mom. It’s kind of ridiculous.

For me, it’s always a struggle between popularity with the children and plain old practicality. They play early in the morning so the mom in me says that nutritional breakfast items / fruit is a much more healthy and appropriate offering. The lazy side of me looks at the easy to buy and distribute packages of cookies / chips and longs.

One benefit of being Team Mom is that I am going first - get my duty out of the way. But I also feel as if I need to plan a snack that will set a good example for all the other snacks to follow this season. In the end I decided to forgo the cookies and make apple muffins and pair that with some fruit. Probably bananas.

I know that some other mom is going to come along later in the season with a cooler of soda and bags of chips, but it can’t be helped. My conscience will be clear.

Though I don’t currently own a car, I really like driving. I can remember every car I’ve ever owned, some with more affection than others, and when I’m thinking up a new character I usually know what sort of car they would drive even if their car never appears in the story. So when I saw this Blogthings test, how could I resist?

You Should Drive a Pink Car

You’re the type of driver who really loves your car. You can make a car last for ages - or take good care of a vintage ride. You’re independent, creative, and very expressive. You consider your car a part of you … and you want to make it as funky as possible.

Go on, take the test. But don’t blame me if you kill an hour or two at Blogthings…it’s addictive…

Don’t forget to stop by tomorrow when Blair Bancroft will be my featured author. She’s got a blurb for her September release Steeplechase and also lots of great tips for all the aspiring writers out there.

Click the link below for a funny, funny, funny video - totally worth any upload time

timhawkinsguitar

Congratulations to Elaine - you won a copy of my book ONE CRAZY SUMMER! Send me an email and tell me your email and your preferred format!

There are no Dairy Queens in Egypt so I decided to stop by and treat the kids.

Another weird fact about me: going into a restaurant where I’m unfamiliar with the menu kind of freaks me out. I mean, it’s fast food. Which means you should make your decision fast, not dilly dally over the menu. It’s not rocket science, but I start feeling pressure from everyone else in there who already know what they want and then I can’t focus on anything. I freeze up. I know, it’s dumb. But we all have our quirks.

So picture me walking into a Dairy Queen full of Boy Scouts with two excited children in tow and trying to make a quick decision. I got the children each a small hot fudge sundae, my mother a Dilly bar, and myself? I wasn’t quite up to my usual peanut buster parfait and deciding on what to put in a blizzard was just too much for me at that moment, Boy Scouts crowding around, so I just pointed at a picture ordered a small Mocha MooLatte.

OMG. So, so good.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of looking it up online when I got home. Aside from the unfortunate name, the small (16oz of heaven) has 23g of fat and nearly 600 calories. Consume enough of those things and people will be moo-ing at me as I amble down the street.

It’s hard to regret it because it was that good, but I’m going to have to take a few more hikes to counteract that treat.

Don’t forget to stop by over the weekend when T.L. Gray will be my Friday Feature.

This made me laugh so I thought I’d pass it on

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Told you it was funny

I got this by email and it was too cute not to pass along:

A boss wondered why one of his most-valued employees had phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.

“Hello.”

“Is your daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?”

The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes.”

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes,” whispered the child. “A policeman!”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A helicopter,” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated, the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: “ME.”

This is pretty much what it’s been like at my house since school ended for the summer. Just so you know, if the issue is ever raised, I’m all for a year round school year.

Still, the bickering is preferable to the girl-drama that has been going on around here. There are three little girls in our building, in addition to my own DD - ages 8 & 9. Ideally, the two oldest and the two youngest would pair up and they’d all be happy and entertained. But you know that reality rarely works that way.

Instead what tends to happen is that one little girl defects and goes and plays either on her own or with a little boy. And two others compete for the affection and attention of the third (and oldest). Which always leads to trouble.

Lately, it’s been my DD who has been on the outs with them. It’s been a few weeks since she’s spent much time with any of them and I’m okay with that. Before, she would come home ranting about how she hated this one or that one - or crying because someone had said something nasty to her and excluded her from their play.

I try very hard not to get involved in these dramas, however angry it makes me to see DD hurt. They need to figure out how to deal with things themselves without parental interference. Also, what usually happens is they’ve long gotten over whatever the problem was and I’m still ticked off. If I were to involve myself the only thing that would happen is that I’d be on the outs with all their mothers.

It’s been harder to ignore recently though - particularly when the “in” girls add petty vandalism to their bag of tricks. Nothing they have done - so far - has been such a big deal. But what they don’t realize is that the items they are damaging are things that *I* bought and paid for so I have an interest in putting a stop to it.

So I did what I had to do. I told their mommies on them.

Girls can be such a pain in the butt with all their head games and cliquishness. (I know, I was a little girl once). This is one area where I think a man’s approach is better. Just slug ‘em and get over it…